These vittles are scarcely Christmas;
these vittles ain’t very Christmas;
these vittles ain’t fare for Christmas—
it’s the wrong time of year!

Bad bite-things—don’t bring!
Such grub is a sin.
Cheese pretzels ain’t very Christmas
and will bring on the jeers.

A good thing is figgy pudding;
but do not bring bloody pudding.
If onto our plates you’re putting it,
we’ll kick your rear

Good bite-things—please bring
such grub right on in:
like figgy, it’s very Christmas
and will bring on the cheers.

Encore: good is figgy pudding!
Adore it—it’s a good thing!!
It’s core, an understood thing
at this time of year.

No fighting…you bring
Such grub right on in.
Some pitched battles we’ll resist thus,
And there’ll be no boxed ears.

We won’t come to blows if there’s apt grub,
and you will avoid an apt snub.
But bring haggis—très inapt grub…
fighting then, I fear.

No slighting no stings,
punches to the chin.
Some vittles like cherry blintzes—
quite fine this time of year.