well, the first crazy hitman
he was sent after me
'cause in neighbor's pool, I pee'd

and the second crazy hitman
he was sent after me
'cause of a dove
local kids' pet, I didn't see

and the third crazy hitman
he was sent after me
'cause again
I hit a dove
'nother kids' pet, I didn't see

and the fourth crazy hitman
he was sent after me
for flipping bird
at two nuns
outside a church
to be fair, I was quite tipsy

then the fifth crazy hitman
he wasn't sent, you see
his onion rings!
I scarfed them down
with ketchup
and he got p!$$#d
and he swore his vengeance on me

then the sixth crazy hitman
he was sent after me
for only sayin'
of all the things...
Bieber's a turd
said to fan
his number one
so she had a hit placed on me

and the seventh crazy hitman
he was sent after me
for just skinny dippin'
in the neighbor's pool
where I had pee'd
he saw my bird
and again
swore he'd see blood
man, these reasons are quite petty

and the eighth crazy hitman
he was sent after me
'cause I tried milkin'
Farmer Johnny's pet cow
turned out, was a steer
I yanked his thing
I didn't know
got a kick
was that enough?
nope, he had a hit placed on me

and the ninth crazy hitman
he was sent after me
for tried romancin'
with Bob's fiance
ah, she turned me down, though
so, I don't get it
what's the big stink?!
'cause I watched her
get undressed
and in the tub?
just one question, how'd he see me?

and the tenth crazy hitman
he was sent after me
for, quoting: "creeping"
and public fappin'
down at the lake where
babes were skinny dippin'
and some were layin'
topless, you see
they saw my bird
freaked, again
said: "that's enough!"
swore that this time, they would kill me!

now, the eleventh crazy hitman
my boss had called on me
'cause I slashed his tires
than him, the cheapskate
yet, he survived it
and promised vengeance
visited, regret it
in bed, was layin'
he fired me!
flipped him the bird
was tempted
to shed more blood
why I stabbed him, now, can't you see?

now, there's twelve crazy hitmen
who are all after me
twelve, that's a bummer!
I'd best go into hiding
better start sneaking
as to get past 'em
I robbed a milk truck
held driver, at gunpoint
then, was escapin'
"I'LL MURDER THEE!!!"
^ the driver said
shaking fist
as I drove off
I'm always making enemies!