As I was going to St. Ives,
I men a man with seven wives.
At first, I thought it was Larry King,
But no, he had eight, I'm remembering...

All around the mulberry...Bush
And Cheney chased a buck deer
Bush said, "There !" and Cheney shot,
Plop ! went the law-yeer..

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Everywhere you dart
In so many families,
Well, don't you think you're smart?

Diddled, diddled, Dumpling,
Did son, John
Both in bed
With no clothes on..
Soon to be,
A Grandpa, me
Dumpling's pregnant,
Dumb son, John !

Ding, dong, bell
Pussy's in the well..
Oooo-kay..guess where I'm headin' ?

Bobby Shaftoe's built for fun
Last name shows he's rigged to run
With such a toe, all hos chase he
Wish Bobby Shaftoe would be me..

Hey! diddle, diddle,
Your girl's in the middle,
From backseat have her moon
Passing dudes will laugh
To see such sport,
Find a dish, and run away for some poon

Little Boy Blue would blow his horn
With sheep in the meadow
With cows in the corn
Where's that naughty boy
Who goes after the sheep?
He's dreamin' of wild wool
In his sleep

Little Jack Hornier
Sat in a cornier
Watchin' the girls go by
He fibbled his thumb
And dibbled his plum,
And said, "What a bad boy am I !"

Little Miss Muffet
Told friends to stuff it,
Chased all male nerds away
Along came a spider,
Text her Iphone beside her,
"Wanna Cyber-web, whaddya' say?"

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
Real nice in my thong, now run along,
You nasty so and so.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water;
Jack fell down, and broke his crown,
And Jill said, so lay there you clumsy
Jerk...If you expect me to carry you
Back to town, you're crazy! I'd call
911, but it hasn't been invented, yet.

Jack Sprat
Could eat no fat,
His wife could eat no lean;
And so, they mutually agreed
To become vegans..

Little Bo Peep lost her sheep
And don't know where to find them
(Now, that's a double negative..
Of course, if she lost her sheep,
She wouldn't know where to find them..
If she did, they really wouldn't be lost,
Now would they?...Didn't those nursery
Rhyme authors know anything about
good grammar, or poetry construction?)

Bye, baby bunting,
Father's gone a-hunting,
Mother's gone a-milking,
Sister's gone a-silking,
And brother's gone to find a
Pro-baseball scout to see if
He can sign baby bunting to
A big league contract...

Hey, diddle, diddle!
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon;
The little dog laughed,
But the cow had the last laugh,
When she was hired by NASA,
As their new moon orbiter..