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Song Parodies -> "The Bark-Mangled Dammers"

Original Song Title:

"Star Spangled Banner"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"The Bark-Mangled Dammers"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

The idea for this title came from another water-loving critter, Tommy Turtle.
Oh, they make a sea, frighten fawns, who take flight.
No more spouting, the swale, once a torrent, fast streaming.
Whose broad bites damn ripe bark, groove a pair of lost pines;
Oaken dam parts they snatch. . .scourge of gallant trees teeming.
Now the forest’s threadbare, like bomb-burned underwear. . .
Rape roots day and night; raPINE swag they don’t share.
Oh, say do those bark-mangle dammers yet slave
O’er the land once with trees; there’s no hope they’ll be saved.

Once a shore of a stream, a rivulet not deep—
There, there rose knotty Oak; now dead pile that reposes.
What is that which one sees where the streams banks were steep?
That the rivulet grows to a sea with no Moses.
It’s a Castor tag team; they’ve no Pollux, it seems. . .
And old story. Dissected poor trees not made beams.
It’s the bark-mangled dammers, those long toothèd knaves
O’er the land once with trees; there’s no hope they’ll be staves.

Now where is that land where once water did roar?
With the dam, it’s a shore; the lake grows in profusion.
In their home, they’re comfy; the tired beavers snore.
The woodland they rout with conifer contusion.
They refuse to save the spry sprigs they shave;
They spread terror with bites that have doomed would-be staves.
And the bark-mangled dammers have dry mouths they lave
By jamming the long teeth into Oak, trunks concave.

They cuss ’bout the beaver, the treemen whose land
Has become a moat from castor desolation.
They’re gonna get a piece of the creatures who’ve dammed;
With black powder they have made the tools for detonation.
And conquer they must, the causeway to bust—
It’s nix on this grotto: the bomb blows; dam’s dust,
And the bark-mangled dammers wash ’way with the waves,
But the land that had trees, stubble growth that’s unshaved.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   12
 12
 12
 

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
You otter be ashamed! 5-5-5 for your wonderful tail...err, tale! ;D
Mark Scotti - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
"What did Mrs. Cleaver say to Ward?' "Don't go hard on The Beaver"!!!
Christie Marie M - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
(Imitaties Florida Evans from "Good Times")Dam, dam, dam!!!...A dam funny parody! Building dams in 5 raging rapids with this one!
TJC - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
A dam sophisticated construct, JAB!
AFW - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Could be the beaver's gnashin'-all anthem
Fiddlegirl - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Marvelous bit of Man vs. Nature... but nature always wins, sooner or later. 555 (and LOL @ AFW's pun!)
LilCouCaress - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Yes, in their snug little mounded domes they are indeed comfy, PirateJack ! meooooooow . . . oops, that's for a Cougar ! !
Phil Nelson - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Much better than the original! Yeah! 5's (funny security code: huh)

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