Once had a maiden who would always please
Straight up or doggie down on her knees
Alas! I cheated with other gals
One night she caught me with someone else
She was my sweetheart, too late I know
Why didn't smarter, and up I grow?
Mine is a story, that's long and sad
Containing a moral..do not be bad
I should not have been down at Motel Six
Humpin' and bumpin' and up to those tricks
There came a soft knock upon the door
Chose not to answer and just ignore
But, the low rapping just kept right on
Nightime was turning to streaks of dawn
Fin'lly when I could stand it no more
Turned with my hand, knob of the door..
Was the wrong move, a terrible mistake
Probably worst one I'll ever make
Still makes me shudder, when I recall
what was I thinking? brain power small
There in the doorway stood my sweet Bess
In one split second or maybe less
I saw a shotgun aimed at my nuts
Woke in the ER, tractioned in struts....

CHORUS;

After The Balls Healed Over
After the pain grew numb
I saw a holy vision, a minister I become
Women are only mem'ries
Cuddle up nights with my shawl
I'm celibate and just caring
After The Balls