Twas the night during Christmas
And all through the house
The presents were opened
From both the kids and my spouse

The stockings were torn
From the chimney, by hand
The tree had been broken
And could no longer stand

The children were nestled
All snug in their beds
With visions of toys they got
Stuck in their heads

And mom in her 'kercheif
And I in my cap
Had settled our brains
For an eight-hour nap

When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
I crawled from my bed
To see what was the matter

I walked to the window
To take me a peek
I noticed my clothes
Made me look like a geek!

My bathrobe was sort of
A polka-dot plaid
Given to me from my
Big brother Brad

When I looked out the window
Well, what did appear?
My loud neighbors all sitting
And all drinking beer

Not one was left sober
I saw that real quick
I knew that tomorrow
Every one would be sick

Then from down the street
The police they soon came
And with my neighbors, their fingers,
To their noses, had aim

"Now Harry! Now Tony! Now Henry & Johnny!
And Aaron, and Victor, and Franky, and Tommy!
Come off of the porch! Come off of the wall!
You're under arrest, every one of you all!"

In the back of the car
They packed them all in
Not one of my neighbors
Could now wear a grin

From the back of the car
I heard one of them yell
"Merry Christmas? Yeah, right!
We're gonna spend it in jail!"