When were you in the South? : D

Be ABSLOUTELY sure that the gun in unloaded when you use it to pleasure her!... "In Dixie Land must use your hand" "Each day foreplay is done by hand in Dixie" - great lines. Scans well to fast-paced OS. Sends up genuine stupidity by humor and ridicule, while being funny -- the height of the satirist's art. Take these Five vibrators from me with you next time, and meanwhile, stick 'em wherever you like. :) :)

Pat, I was in Florida when I was 5 (1955)...family vacation...disasterous - terrible weather...hated it...beaches full of jellyfishes...flight back to CT was even WORSE...I'll save that story for some other time. TT - Thanks much for the high-praise and specific remarks. Got no guns and...(sigh)...currently have no such toys...gave my last one back to the girl friend who got it for me after we broke up (hmmm...that doesn't read right...to clarify, she got it for me WHILE we were still an "item", not after we broke up...thankfully)...told her it just didn't seem right without her on the other end of it...still, uh, "took it" pretty well...always did have a good sense of humor...(lol) ~ ~ ~

You're lucky. Mine found a sex toy with a goofy GUY at the end of it.

lol..too funny...i'll remember that if i even need a sex toy "down south"

An age-old situation there, Rick...Alvin, you know the old Karl Malden American Express ads: "Don't leave home without it..." lol ~ ~ ~

Schlong of the South? Forty-fourplay? 555 caliber.

Or just a 'pea-shooter', JB...??? lol...

You have what sounds like a good legitmate gripe, here...and even tho' I'm a Yankee...I'll stand up for it...5's

Well, I live in the South...of California...I believe at one time this may have been considered the "Land of Sex Toys", but I believe these devices are now pretty much everyday....uh...'utensils'...Nationwide, perhaps, Worldwide...

Paul, it's hard to beat a good hand.

Royce, I think you've put your finger on it ~ ~ ~

Hah fahves t' y'all

PMS - Thank 'yuh ~ ~ ~

All 5's. They're prosecuting a woman in Texas as I type this for selling them. Great job

Really, Dee? Wow! The absurdity just boggles even my warped imagination. But, I wonder...if you were to bribe one of the State legislators behind this senseless, idiotic and pointless crap, wouldn't that be "using a prick"? Could that be prosecuted under these new "dildo laws"? So I guess I'm asking, people, WHEN exactly are Folks going to wake up? I'll bet you just about every F*CKING ONE of these ASSH*LES who voted for this BS has spoken of "getting Government off people's backs" during their "illustrious" political careers...if YOU vote for one of these Rights-Snatching Bastards in the Fall just remember that one day maybe YOU will run afoul of one their Moral Certitudes...or, hey, maybe you'll just nod your head and toe their line...ya' know, "Shucks, I wasn't using those Rights, anyway..." Anyway, that's what I think, y'all can chew on it...OH...yeah....ummm...Thanks, Dee ~ ~ ~

Rick D, "goofy"? That was I :)

TOS is escaping me at the moment. I fail to understand the reasoning behind banning sex toys - or firearms for that matter, though that is for another time and place. I suppose someone(s) in the legislature determined that sex toys are "instruments" of the devil, to put it "bluntly". Such is far from the case IMO, I've never heard anyone scream "Oh Satan" in the bedroom, though "Oh God"...nevermind, TMI, and I feel like you know where I'm going with this train of thought anyway. Sex toys aren't illegal in VA, though using them probably is - seems almost everything except missionary position between husband and wife is technically illegal. Oh, great read here.

Yep, this one deserves a big hand... good choice of OS (definitely an "I wish I'd thought of that" - I ended up with a fairly obscure Goodies tune for the same choice of subject)

TT - Hell, "Goofy" could be any NUMBER of guys...Red - yeah, it's just freaking NUTS..."Use a dildo, go to prison"? What could a legislator possibly be thinking? OH..."appealing to their 'Voter Base"...what...the "MORON" vote? As to the gun reference, only a comparison in this piece...certainly it shouldn't be more difficult to get a Sex Toy than a Gun...Phil, thanks...I happened across that article on-line about Mississippi banning Sex Toys and "Dixie" just immediately came to mind...although I cannot remember what line it brought to mind that led me to pursue it further...thanks!

Hot new bumper stickers:
If dildoes are outlawed, only outlaws will have dildoes.
Dildoes don't f*** people, people f*** people.
Dildo control means using both hands.

What if we just require a three-day waiting period before buying sex toys? (Sometimes one can't wait that long lol.) Or register them? Or do background checks before you get a permit to "carry a concealed strap-on"? I already need a permit for my concealed "weapon" (in my dreams lol).

TT - or maybe they could just sell them as "gun attachments"...you know for some guns there are assembly kits to modify and make them into "automatics" or otherwise enhance their kill-ability...well, how about slip-on dildo/vibrator attachments, too? Again, as you mentioned much earlier, the gun really SHOULD be unloaded before you try to use it in this way...hmmm...Ad campaign..."Happiness Is A Warm Gun"...where have I heard that phrase before?

Very well written parody, 555's.

Thanks, Larry H ~ ~ ~

Paul - saw your plug on Rick's tune - thanks. Dude, you're a visionary. If I hadn't been reading an anti-gun story, I wouldn't have known about the SC bill; and the Miss. law makes this old news. Wow! Are the penalties as severe? I don't understand this right-wing obsession with sex. My view - as long as it doesn't involve children or my dog, enjoy yourself. Keep the government out of my bedroom. There's something very wrong if it's a felony for selling "Steely Dan's" in the south (shameless plug cumming) but Neal Horsely's affair with a mule is "reality"? There's a "Sweet Home Alabama" parody out there somewhere waitin' to be written.

Thanks, Bob. FYI - I've tried to confirm that SC story, but I couldn't find it in a fairly short 'Google' Search...not that I doubt it, but I'd like to see more details just to be certain. The MIssissippi story I verified before writing the parody, of course. I didn't check to see what the penalties might be...However, I have heard (again, I did not personally confirm) that a Texas woman has been charged in one of the states that has enacted these ree-dick-u-lus statutes. Yes, I agree, it seems to me to be the epitome of the lu-dick-crous thinking that seems to inhabit large parts of the Right-Wing in this country...they still haven't gotten it, have they? Throw a beard and a turban on these idiots and, "Voila!", you've got one more crazy-assed Islamicist nut-case trying to suppress any hint of sexual expression in their society. They'd fit right in...Glad you caught my note on the other piece, Bob...since it gave me another opportunity to throw in my 2 cents + about the utter foolishness of this type of legislative meddling into the private lives and activities of American citizens...you'd think they would have some sense of shame about THAT...you'd be wrong, though...these Assh*les are totally shameless about their intrusion into matters of no concern to them...and also shameless about wasting precious Public resources on this frivolous bullsh*t...There, did I miss anything?