Listen for the screamin', the yellin' "Man, not cool!"
As I land three hundred forty in the old Best Western pool
Hear the rush of the angry roomers, as the front desk they all call
I get sophomoric jollies from a big splash cannonball

I check into each Hotel, and dollars I will pay
I get up on that platform, be it cold or sunny day
And as that springboard's bendin' the warnin' goes to all
They're gonna get a soakin' from my big splash cannonball

Now the Western brass is angry and the guests are now all wet
When you're sittin' by the poolside, you've no right to get upset
I've a great big giant body, and it takes a while to fall
There is no place I can't water with my big splash cannonball

So if you're on vacation, and you see me checkin' in
You better wait an hour before goin' for a swim
For all that nice pool water will be bouncin' off the wall
When I take my fat self divin' there's a big splash cannonball