Tommy Turtle, the master of pacing, he kept everyone on the straight and narrow. And Fiddlegirl, his platonic companion. What has become of the great Leo Keogh? Not prolific, but authored some of the best material found on this site. Little Cupcakes, not sure if she wrote parodies, but her comments, under a variety of names, were always welcome. I hope I can get inspired again, my output has fallen off, too. A touching song, matches the spirit of the original.

I've noticed this exodus too; it seems to cascade as we hangers-on get less feedback and become discouraged. Just go to http://www.amiright.com/parody/Authors/ and sort on the "last submitted" column. Have they found another site? On the positive side, the 1-bomber has left with them. 5s

Very good... Andria has been here off & on, been writing shock/gore-themed short horror stories, as well as busy with real life, which has been a huge clusterf*ck for me lately. The n00bs haven't scared me off, neither has Mr. 1s, it's largely been me moving to three- or four-paragraph stories so I am not confined to the tune of a song. Anyone on this site not already a friend, I'm on Facebook, look for Andria Leianna Kilgore, and say you're from AmIRight in a message. 555.

This site is a bit confusing for me b/c it went well and then I did just ONE parody for "Three's Company" theme song titled "We're Fighting the Jews" from the Iranian POV for fun and got attacked. No one is rating my parody but condemning me on the lyrics alone and trying to label me anti-semitic or some other nasty term. Then, I notice the political parodies go both ways DEM against REP and some songs get poor ratings based on ideology alone which is not fair. I got some 1s too that were suspicious and some have said my pacing was off on songs that I deliberately watched the dvd to get the pacing right. I suppose this site is just like any blog or NG... but I thought it was different and very FUN!!! I also worry that since I use a lot of Third Reich material that the same divide will happen with those that find that time period and technology appealing vs those that after a time will label me a Nazi for just writing parodies!!! But that is my specialty and you write what you know is lesson #1. On the positive side I am watching lots of videos on Comcast to get new ideas. Anyone have any good suggestions? I try very hard to post 6+ entries per day b/c I am handicapped and stuck inside all day.

Rob Arndt: I just wanted to let you know I stand behind your parodies, even though most of the political one I don't understand, but not because of you, but because I do not have the comprehensive ability to understand politics, but it's like I say in the book of proverbs I am writing on the side of doing parodies, "Unless someone who criticizes something badly about you, can do better than you, they can only do worse that you.", ;-) But I think this is an excellent parody! I don't think badly of it at all! Great Job! 555! :-)

When I said "But I think this is an excellent parody! I don't think badly of it at all! Great Job!", I was referring to SamuraiMaster, the author of the parody. :-)

WHAT AM I DOING! The above comment was from me, I just typed the security code in the top box and not the bottom! Doh!! :-o

Guy DiRito, AFW, Alvin Rhodes, Johnny D, Rick Duncan, Rick Cormier. . . .

At least I'm not the only one noticing the parody gold writers are going missing.

And then there's me. I started going to college in 2007, which got me busy, not to mention I just seemed to lose that drive that kept me goin' early on. Not to mention I had all these other hobbies & obligations going on. However, I never forgot about this site, for I always had a burning desire to keep going, a classic "spirit is willing but flesh is weak" kind of thing. I think I've been getting more frequent with parodies ever since I did that ZZ Top parody about Santa Claus. I only hope that the others can get back up...

Samurai, I know that I've been gone for a long time and I also agree that all those best parodists of AIR had taken a long absence from the site. But I'm here (for) now. And as for being jobless, another reason why I'm not on the site as much as I used to is that I'm very, very busy at my job and my schedule's always changing at random. As for everyone on the site, I'm very, truly sorry that I had been absent for a long time and didn't take the chance to v/c. I hope you guys can forgive me over time. But, you know, I'll be back, as soon as I start writing parodies again. I'm also disappointed at myself being gone from the site and missing everyone's good parodies. As for your parody, I do find it touching, and sad, and quite lonesome. Reminds me of my friends who I lost touch with in school. But I'll be back soon, Samurai. Just keep on writing.

Invisible Boy, wannabeamustangjockey, Claude Prez, metaphorsbwithu, Blackjack21, Merry & Pippin, Wendy Christopher, many more.

Christie has a job?! Nice to see you again, Chrisstie. And I'll be writing more......when I get another idea in soon.

Kristof Robertson, Stuart McArthur, Larry Hensley, Jake A. Ralphing (Luke Brattoni), PMS, Ravyn Rant, Mr. MacPhisto, McKludge, Stan Hall, Tim Hall, Rex Ungerricht, MasonR, Paul Robinson, Dee Range, and many others.

And me.

What's happened is that thanks to the continued decline of facility in the English language, due to schools emphasizing PolitCorrect courses and "self-esteem" at the expense of grammar, syntax, etc., plus Twitface OMG WTF u know wht i meen?, -- the quality of writing here has been declining steadily, as the former crowd left for various reasons (including an increasing generation gap, in which the Boomers can't stand the music of the Gen X/Y-ers, and vice versa) and were replaced with a new generation of (relative) illiterates. IMHO, anyone who can't define "iambic pentameter" off the top of their head has no business calling themselves a poet, which is what songwriters are, including parodists. But that's just I.

I wrote about this decline, not in the number of writers, but in the general quality of writing (though some commenters mistook it as being the same intent as yours) back in late 2007. Same OS:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/peteseeger19.shtml

And the decline in writing has been accompanied by a decline in judging standards, where crap gets the same votes and comments as great epics (say, about sheep-boffing ;-D) When I was n00b, the standards were high, but the problem (aside from unabombers, who are easily ignorable) was votes of 3 or 4 without a justification in the comment, or a specious one, or no comment, possibly because the voter felt threatened by a better parody:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/bernsteinsondheim4.shtml

That parody, posted about three months after I arrived here and which was received very well, was inspired by the fact that my first 25-30 songs got straight 555s (from a *much* tougher crowd), then apparently, someone spent most of their weekends clicking 1s and 2s on all of my songs, which is why if you look at the "Overall" ratings of my first 80-90 songs, you see many in the 2s and 3s. That calmed down considerably after the above was posted.

Now, it's the opposite: Post a parody, get a 555. Why try any harder? Why learn pacing (scansion, meter)? Or anything more advanced? You'll be lauded anyway.:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/franksinatra195.shtml

(For anyone who had the slightest remaining doubt, yes, TT wrote that song, of course.) More follows...

It's a vicious cycle: The fewer there are who appreciate obscure references, far-stretched puns, word-mangling, large vocab, etc., the less the motivation to take the time to write and post. ... *And* the more onerous the chore of the more-or-less-obligatory reads of the songs of those who v/c'd you. (No names. None implied. Don't wear the shoe if it doesn't fit.)

I think the semi-final straw (never say "never", lol) was the first weekend of the Egyptian protests. I cranked out four congratulatory parodies in 12 hours, to the biggest four of the Big Seven OS, posted them all on that Monday while they were still topical, and one commenter, whom I consider a friend, (still do) accused me of "showing off". Sorry, I've been in situations all my life where I've been compelled to "dumb myself down"
          http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/johnnycash135.shtml
but this is strictly a hobby, unpaid, and if writing at my best level, using my full vocabulary and knowledge and research and skill (not to mention prolixity, LOL ;), is not only unappreciated, but resented, well, then, ... Fill in the rest, but so far, those are the last songs I've ever posted here. They, and a few other B7s, are still drawing fewer page views than many of mine that were to shorter, simpler OSs. Which is to say, attention spans have declined dramatically as well. Blame TV, video games, portable entertain-you-everywhere devices, whatever, but *good* writing takes more than a quick scan even to understand fully, much less to appreciate. And so does some of mine. ;-D

I don't have an answer, unless the younger/newer writers want to do on their own what the schools didn't do for them: Enlarge their vocabulary; study prosody (If you don't know what that means, it means you need to study it ;); raise their own bars, etc. Though to some degree, cleverness and wit cannot be taught. But they perhaps could be learned, by studying the masters of it like Dorothy Parker, Ogden Nash, and others that few here have ever heard of. But I don't think there's any hope of raising attention spans in a world of constant electronic stimuli.

To prove that, how many even read this post all the way through, vs. just skimming? :) [end of soapbox]

Oh, yeah, a vote -- Would prefer that the repetitive lines be varied instead, as they were in the song linked above, and a few pacing glitches. E. g., second line in every OS stanza, "Long time passing" = 4 syllables. Compare to your first, third, fourth, and fifth stanzas. 444.

p. s.: Getting my butt chewed a couple of times for trying to help other writers by offering constructive suggestions for improvement added to the lack of desire to read many songs by others, as I refuse to call 'em other than as I sees 'em. Another incentive not to be here, and probably some who are just as glad that's the case.

Hey at least you call it as you see it. That was undoubtedly the longest comment I have ever received/read. Nice to see you around again.....hopefully.

I've only been writing here since 2009, so I'm not familiar with all of the elders. But there were quite a few more contributors when I started, and now their number have dwindled. Their work made me a better writer (though that, itself, may be debatable ;-D). I'm still picking up little jewels here and yon from John B. and AFW and some of the semi-regulars, but I also miss many of the other older writers. I suspect life had something to do with their disappearance, or maybe it was something more sinister- hmmm- there's a parody there somewhere.
Either way, it sure would be nice to see more of the faces I saw back in 2009. Except maybe that really ugly one with the indented forehead, crooked teeth, and unibrow.

I too have noticed a few no shows lately, like my friend Old Man Ribber that you mention, I am missing him a lot, :-( But like WarrenB, I've only been here since 2009 too, and am not familiar with a lot of amIrighters that may be missing now, But I am familiar with you SamuraiMaster, and your parody too, and I think it's excellent! three 5's pushing up from the ground, :-)

The Bodacious, Vivacious, ARWEN! On another note, any young n00b should read TT's helpful rules of parody writing and pacing. One other reason for site decline is when parodies get accepted that are purposely paced badly and full of nonsense and/or non sequiters. The two or three submitters who do this are just placing a bag of flaming dog poo on the doorstep of Amiright. These cretins should be banned. Hope you're reading this Razorblade Brunettes!

Well, I certainly won't forget Arwen. The last time she did, I had to rewrite "The Rose" as "The Nose." I have a valid, though, lame, excuse for my comparative lack of productivity, problems with my home computer. And we've actually lost two of our best writers, Royce Miller and Malcolm Higgins, now typing away at that great keyboard in the sky.

Michael: Hats off in respect for two fallen brothers.

Even though I never knew Royce Miller and Malcolm Higgins, I still want to give my condolences for them as well, I can imagine that like most all the parodists here, they wrote parodies very well, and will be sadly missed, I know, even though like I said, I don't know them, I still will miss them, as if I did, :-( Rest in peace, Royce Miller and Malcolm Higgins. :-(

I hope to get back into the game soon(been sidetracked by unemployment). i did come back yesterday to write this: http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/foreigner43.shtml

I think the need to try to find a steady income has been a massive distraction for many writers, which is a shame because as rob alluded to, there is an enormous market for good lyricists, both serious and comedic, and the just like with acting being able to do funny well with lyrics often coincides with an ability to write good serious lyrics. The problem is communication though - if there are music executives out there willing to hire lyricists without 10+ years of professional experience I for one do not know where to find them, and the expensive demo method of getting noticed becomes increasingly less feasible as the economy continues to suffer. If anyone can close the communication gap between comedy lyricists (who can't make solid recordings of their own) and music/ad execs who could take advantage of such lyrical skills, that person would probably make tons of money for everyone involved. It would be great if we could band together to find such a person, or multiple people, instead of moping about the lack of enthusiasm garnered by lyrics on a text-only site when parody lyrics are always incomplete without vocals and music. I've brought this kind of thing up before and been trampled by waves of negativity, but perhaps we can continue the conversation now in a civil and sensible manner. If parodies are more likely to be noticed by people other than writers ad comment junkies, I think more of the "old guard" might get more into writing again. Thus ends what is probably the longest comment I have ever left on amiright.

I started off the year strong, ended last year fairly strong, but school and, honestly, new focus has taken me away slowly, but I have to make a few comments. . .not all the great parodists have left, and I think its discouraging for commentators to insult all new parodists in general by saying that all new parodists lack x/y/z. . .some parodists take the time to learn pacing et al, though the majority admittedly do not. While my parody numbers have only dropped slightly, I do admit my commentary has dropped off dramatically because I similarly don't get that many comments any more: positive or constructive, and my SoundClick account is still burning up numbers, similarly despite almost two years of having no significant front page my web site has maintained high traffic, but my parodies here get little action, I try to comment on those who I recognize regularly, but its difficult to do for me because I don't recognize a lot of the writers or the songs they parody (that can apply to songs from any decade) or songs I just never really got big into and writers don't take time to comment on other people's stuff anymore which discouraged my participation. In fact, most the parodies I'm writing lately are only because of albums I'm planning. . .if not for that I may be even more reserved than I have been. I gave the SOTM off to Jeff Reuben, and the ABC will soon be given to someone else as well because I'm losing interest--I hope someone can change that, but I'm slowly just losing interest, I will try to find some way to regain it, but it would require a return to the community sense this site once had. . .it would also help to have more of a mixture of songs. Someone made a comment on this parody about how people didn't comment on the "Big 7" or etc. . .With all due respect, I probably missed them because I don't recall that day, I have seen so many "Big 7" parodies its hard to have an impression on me with any of those 7 songs any more. That's happened to many non-Big 7 songs. I love 60s/70s music, but the decades have been hit so hard, especially the Beatles, and so well that I have kinda lost interest in parodies of those songs . . .I can't help that, and most the parodies of newer songs that I have read that aren't by parodists I know and have come to really appreciate either pace really badly, change too little of the song, or have some ulterior motive that is clear from the title or off-set. . .what to do? I don't know, I can understand the exodus as I slowly am becoming a part of it, though I'm trying not to

Wow, people actually *read* my thesis! Impressive! :) .

@ Michael Pacholek: It seemed you despised the late Malcolm Higgins, whose politics were diametrically opposed to yours. I assumed you 111'd most of his political parodies, as you do to mine or to FG/TT's. Hard to see the sincerity in your regrets. And the comment that you would "automatically" 111 any Pro-Palin-Parody only adds to the flame wars on site and detracts from reasoned and logical commentary in good faith:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/traditional1584.shtml

          We'll skip the hateful things you said to Fiddlegirl and me for telling the *factual truth* about Teddy K. and Mary Jo K. But don't give yourself credit for driving us/me away - we used to enjoy pushing your buttons, and it's so easy. :-D
          Re: Arwen: Reading her bio is nauseating, and contrary to her statement and popular belief, flirting is not a substitute for talent, though many women on the Web get by with it. This is *not* to say that she did not write some very good stuff. but the come-ons detracted from her work and status.

@ And Don't Forget...: Thanks for the plug, but might as well tell readers where to find it:
          http://home.earthlink.net/~tommythedancingturtle/id3.html
btw, Razorblade Brunettes is a young male child with some personal challenges. ChuckyG said he tries to delete them as they come in. @ Ethan Mawyer: Ditto here, re: the ongoing recession (no matter what the POTUS thinks.) But I must respectfully disagree: I never viewed this site as a demo site for producers. Text parody is as much of an art form as is poetry, and is quite different from writing for production and airplay. I learned this when I went pro -- not because producers scour this site (do they not get swamped with demo CDs every day?), but because I took the initiative to scour for potential producers until I hooked up. (It doesn't pay much.)
          The rules are very different: *Must* be short -- 1 1/2 to 2 minutes is ideal. Gotta get in all those commercials, you know. So no "American Pie" parodies, etc. Must be comprehensible and funny to average, non-parodist audience, who are probably driving, eating, drinking coffee, texting, and shaving while listening. (And that's just the women, LOL ;) So no obscure references to classical literature etc., and no puns too far-stretched for the median listener. Which is just the *opposite* here -- the wilder, the merrier.
          The worst example was when TJC and I spent a week polishing up a take-off from "My Fair Lady", "Wouldn't It Be Loverly", and turned it into a 2008 campaign parody of the winning nominee's choice for VP, "Shouldn't It Be Hillary". They produced it, but chopped off a good HALF of the lines, as noted there:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/myfairladylernerlowe0.shtml

          So, there is much more freedom here to wander as far as one likes in any direction. Including a racy double-entendre or two (though still within Site Guidelines), whereas most radio stations don't want to risk offending any portion of their audience. In short, this site, IMHO, is for *fun*, and is (was?) in fact, much more fun than writing for radio, with all of its restrictions. Like "topical", which means "rush": If event X happens one day; you'd better get the parody to them same day, or at least, that evening. And having"legs", (likelihood of being topical for more than a few days or weeks) and many others. So despite the ego kick of having one's writings professionally produced and syndicated to about 700 stations across the country. I stopped after the Nov 2008 elections, because it just wasn't as rewarding, overall, as writing for AIR and posting here. (And when that became less rewarding...) I won't plug the others that were sold, because the point is best made by the one above.

@ Below Average Dave: The negative comment wasn't about "all" new writers, but a generalization about our schools, which has been proven by continually-declining SAT scores, etc., as in the parody in my initial comment, "Where Have All The Writers Gone". Check it out.
          There's a no-win situation in your comment: You say that you don't want to see parodies of 60s-70s songs that have been done so often; yet, when someone (cough) posts a parody of a little-known hit, or even a parody "virgin" (OS never parodied here before), v/c drop off, and too many DKTOSs. Most people tend to read parodies of OS they know well. I like doing the obscure ones occasionally, though I know it will cost some v/c.

          As for "too many B7" -- Not all of those parodies are of high quality, but when someone can do a good, fresh, new spin on these difficult OSs, I never tire of it. Many writers are afraid to try. Showing mastery of them, IMHO, is one mark of the elite writers (many of whom I miss), and I would admire, not tire, of anyone who can do them well repeatedly. No offense at all to JAB, who was a great inspiration to the n00b Turtle, but I'm much more impressed by five or six excellent APie or TWOTEF or Supercal or Maj-Gen than by 300 spins on a 22-line OS of only about 80-90 WORDS.

@ Rob Arndt: Some (not all) of us feel that posting five or ten parodies a day unfairly crowds out the home page, making others' one or two contributions harder to find. Also, an imposition on readers; if you seek to acquire a following, it might be better to stick to 1-2/day, concentrating on quality, so your potential fans don't feel they're committing to reading that many. Exceptions can be justified, of course -- I admitted to the four Egypt parodies in one day, because if I posted one each day, the situation could change in a couple of days and render the later posts obsolete. Also, the "smooshing" technique: Doing OS A to the melody of OS B, then conversely doing OS B to the melody of OS A. That was popular for quite a while. This writer tried to stretch his skills and raise his own personal bar by smooshing three songs in one day, then six, then eight (in each case, each group had a common theme), but with a couple of exceptions, most didn't fare too well in the number of comments and views, and still aren't getting many views. Which killed my idea to do 26 in one day, each beginning with a different letter of the alphabet. It's just too much of an imposition on readers' time. There are many other outlets for persons whose challenges limit their hobbies.

          Also, I've received privately some complaints about the quality of your writing in terms of basic skills of scansion (meter) and rhyming.. I haven't verified for myself. Whether you want to know them, and/or how to improve, is up to you. Go to any of my songs since about 2009, and there is a reCaptcha link right after the copyright, which will give you my address. I can reply privately, or go to a posting of yours and comment publicly -- always constructively. Or not. Entirely up to you.. GL.

I'm very pleased that my soapbox stimulated a thought-provoking discussion, and mostly in good faith. Perhaps there *is* some hope after all. Perhaps I *will* post this idea I had .... heh heh!

Sorry, but in a comment of almost 1300 words, there were not only the inevitable typos, but also a missing paragraph break before the reply to you. It's at the end of the third line of the reply to And Don't Forget...

I have always despised DKTOS--especially with YouTube being around, I suppose 3 to 5 minutes of someone's time is asking too much to avoid the DKTOS problem. It doesn't help that I grew up in the late 80s and 90s either, which is where my taste grew musically. Luckily for me I grew up with all generations of family so I do have exposure to music as old as the 40s all the way through my life time, it's just, for me, many 60s songs get so heavily represented on this site that I get bored with them, the same way I get bored with the hit music stations for playing the same song over and over. The Big 7 was a fun project, I did all 7 of course over a weekend for a big Monday post of the 7 deadly sins, 5 went over very well, 1 so so and 1 not so. . .at all. Because I record most of my work though, I tend not to parody a song more than once, if so its rare--I've yet to parody a song more than twice, and those examples are usually because the first write wasn't very funny or had some type of commemorative purpose that wouldn't translate well to recording. That also makes me different when it comes to the B7, then there were the Epic 40, they came and passed, now the batthias list (30 songs that aren't on Epic 40 or Big 7) but that list too is about done, and after that I'm done with big list projects. . .The balance between comments and parodies, the community feel of AmIRight, has all but eroded in the past two years, and outside this parody which has to have on of the longest threads of big comments in the history of the site, is an extreme rarity. I can only hope something or someone can turn it around, because I loved AmIRight when I first found it. The variety in posters, the genuine advice from people like yourself, Red Ant, Kristof Robertson, Stu McArthur et al helped shape my pre-AIR writings into stuff that has gotten radio air play and charted on low-scale radio shows and podcasts across cyberspace. I never dreamed of selling albums, and while I wrote my first parody over two decades ago, it wasn't until I joined this site in 2006 that I really fine tuned my long ongoing love for parody. I hate to see it suffering, but there has to be a new commitment from many members to comment on each others work, to stay active (though while I have great respect for writers who can do 10, 15, 20 parodies a day, it can become cumbersome when you want to see a variety of people's work and its all buried between two or three posters) , and to the love of the art of parody. . .a love that was far more evident in 2006 than it is now, though from research on the site, 2006 was nothing compared to years before that. . .this has been a general decline ongoing for a long time.

Wow. No seriously...WOW. Number one, I'm still here...writing or not...but if any of you feel the need to forget me, that's okay. Especially when bringing me up breeds comments like this one: "Re: Arwen: Reading her bio is nauseating, and contrary to her statement and popular belief, flirting is not a substitute for talent...."

I'm really sorry that I've ever made you sick TT, but I would really LOVE for you to show me where I EVER said that flirting was a substitute for talent. It's fine if you think I flirted to get votes...but you say that I made a statement to that effect...and I want to know when/where said statement was made. Seriously...provide me a link to where I said those words. If it's there...eggs on my face...but since I can't remember EVER thinking that...(especially with any kind of seriousness)...I can't imagine ever having written it.

Having said that, I'd also like to know what the hell I ever did to you to deserve that kind of comment. Seriously. Why do you care what I say, or who I say it to...especially since I apparently turn your stomach so readily?

I left cause Tommy Turtle is a windbag. And cause Spaff left; he's my hero. Also, at least Arwen's parodies are funny.

@Arwen: I can't speak for anyone but me, but I personally will never forget your work. . .like many classic veterans, your stuff inspired my own work, I hadn't read that part of TT's comment. . .TT do you really think that?? again I only speak for me, but my votes towards you, at least on the site since I've only been in a few contests, where all legit, I never got that impression personally.

@Claude: Every time you came back I got my hopes up that a veteran was back around only to lose those hopes all over again. I realize Spaff left, but he still comes around now and again, somewhat randomly. Spaff's writing is among the best I've ever read, I rank him above Weird Al in cunning, ability, and humor. . .but his semi-retirement from AmIRight or any other member who I disagree with would not have me leave the site. There are still members who learn from other writers, while I don't think of myself as someone to learn from necessarily, I have found that at times I do inspire other parodists and as such feel I have a place here. . .even if its not a role as big as Spaff once played or you, but I wish you hadn't left. . .I was a newbie when you left, but I've read much of your stuff since and let me tell you Claude, your exodus is noticed right along Spaff and you are almost ALWAYS mentioned when people are talking about those they miss here. . .

@ Below Average Dave: It's not the 3-5 minutes, it's that for many, the music of the other generation is *distasteful* to listen to. .... If you're writing with the goal of recording, then no, you wouldn't want to do the same OS many times. But as I've said several times, this part of the site is a *written* medium, which is its own art form, and it can be fun to do many spins on an OS, as said here:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/tonyorlandoanddawn27.shtml

All commenters approved.

@ Arwen:

"1. I am unrelentingly charming and adorable. This is indisputable. I only mention it so much because it adds to said charm". ... (Barf) I just disputed it, so it's not indisputable.

"4. I am, on occassion, [sic] a bit of a flirt. Just a little one. You probably wouldn't even notice that if I didn't point it out." ... Um, yes, it was so overwhelmingly noticeable that a well-respected FEMALE writer here expressed (in private e-mail) her distaste at your, as she described it, "holding court". (No, it wasn't my collaborator, but someone who's been here much longer.)

"5. I am, in spite of the countless arguments to the contrary, my biggest fan. I couldn't love myself more if I tried. And trust me, I've tried." .... Do you ever read your own words, or say them out loud?

"And just admit it...you already have a little bit of a crush on me, don't you? ; )" ... *That* was the straw that broke the turtle's shell. No, I don't, and neither did some others to whom I spoke. And some of your fellow femmes found such presumptuousness to be, well, presumptuous. (Worse than that, but lets leave it at that.)

Res ipsa loquitur.

You might not have said literally that flirting is a sub for talent, but there's a very clear implication that because you're so adorable and all the guys have a crush on you, [sic} you'll get more v/c. And I think it's true. I once played online poker under a flirtatious female nick, and flirted with the guys while taking their money. (Men are idiots, no doubt.) I ran $1,000.00 into $500,000.00. Unfortunately, it was play money. (And I'm straight, but also a professional actor, so it was easy to do.) But the men do treat such a character/persona differently. I also think you're a very talented writer, but stooping to pandering cheapens the v/c that you do get. Royce Miller (RIP), PMS, Meriadoc, Adagio, and other women have earned their v/c and standing by the quality of their work alone. And I've praised them many times for their work, and not for any extraneous reasons.

I don't care what you say or to whom, because I don't read it. (Now you know why.) Also, it gets old to watch Mike P. fawning all over you, though that's certainly his choice to make. Catherine Zeta-Jones, I get. But someone whom (I presume) he's never even seen, on screen or otherwise? ....
          Why did I bring it up? Because And Don't Forget... mistakenly listed you as among those gone forever in a laudatory manner, whereas I know of some people besides myself who think that this isn't a dating site or chatroom, but a place to display one's work and get honest feedback on it (and definitely have fun doing so). So anything that lowers the site's standards or cheapens the meaning of v/c might well contribute to some writers saying the heck with it.

I still think you're a very talented writer who could fulfill those needs for other types of attention at the sites designed for that - dating and chat, and these days, TwitFace. etc. ... btw, you missed yourself in a group tribuTTe, as did Clause Prez:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/bonnietyler44.shtml

Looks like Tommy Turtle went out of his way to prove Claude Prez's point.

Hey Dave, I was being a little facetious with my comment about TT. I'm good at ignoring stuff I don't like, unless I find it amusing. And I find it very amusing that the know-it-all who includes lengthy footnotes in his parodies to explain his cleverness to the unwashed masses is the one who finds Arwen's online persona (charming, confident, flirtatious, and, I've always felt, largely tongue in cheek) irritating. Ha, ha! This is why I'll never fully leave this place. Seriously, TT, if you want to know how it's done, read Spaff's stuff. All of it. Read his comments on other people's stuff. All of them. The dude is never condescending, almost always clever (and brief!) with his comments, and -- this is important -- his parodies are really, really FUNNY. Not "ha, ha, I get that joke because I read a page's worth of footnotes" funny. Just funny, and he respects his audience. See, I can be a blowhard too, it's easy, anyone can do it.

TT...sorry, I fell asleep 8 times during your comment, so I'm not sure whether or not you proved your point. I'll just assume that you did. Bravo. Kudos for justifying your distaste for me. For the record, all of this could have been avoided if you'd just said, "I think Arwen's LAME." I wouldn't have even responded...because I realize that everyone doesn't love me...nor would I want them to. Especially not you and your droves of unnamed female correspondents. Or your stuffed turtle toy.

BAD...thanks. I've never ever thought, for one minute, that you (or many others) voted for anything based on my incessant and pathetic flirtation. I would honestly be sad if it was. Claude Prez...you're the coolest. (Hope you didn't consider that to be too forward and/or panderific. Now, if you'll just go to all of my parodies and comment about how awesome I am, I'd appreciate it. Hurry.)

Instead of getting into the nitty gritty of the argument between Tommy Turtle and Arwen, I thought I'd just go right to the source: their work. Now I realize that this is just my opinion, but I read several parodies by each auhor - picked at random from their author pages, and I'm sorry, but Arwen's are far superior. In pacing, humor, and overall. And I've yet to see any notes that she's left on any other parody writer's page giving them "helpful suggestions" on how to improve their writing. I find this interesting. My suggestion to Tommy Turtle would be to lay off. Methinks you are actually quite jealous of a prolific writer who OBVIOUSLY does not take herself the least bit seriously. The fact that you and "other authors...erm...femmes" DO take her seriously, makes me really question your intelligence level. And if you're going to go around throwing rocks at other writers, for God's sake...step up your game, dude.

This is my updated respect list: Claude, BAD, Andria, My Name Is Kenny, Arwen, Chris Bodily TM

First, I must concur with Claude on Spaff's comments. Back in the day when he (and I, and many others) were more active around here some of the most uplifting comments I ever got on my writing were from him, and more often than not the best feedback has come from the best writers on amiright, past and present. Side note: "Beam Cindy Crawford, not Richard Gere" remains quite possibly my favorite parody line ever, professionals included. I don't recall ever getting a comment on any parody I've written from tommy turtle, although there was apparently some diatribe against rap parodies on the messageboard which was deleted before I got to see it. Still kinda curious what was said. As for the amiright/professional parody writing link, I never thought that comedy music producers scour the site for material, or that they should. Too much junk here, and even the best parodies often don't fit traditional comedy radio formats. but they could be great fits for YouTube videos, live musical comedy performers, and Dr. Demento if only there was a marketing expert and/or agent connecting the writers with the performers. It also shouldn't be a stretch to assume that successful long-form parody writers would also be good at short-form parodies (ads, morning radio bits) if given incentive to do so. At the moment, the only path that could lead to reaching paid parody markets seems to be paying for professional demos, which is not currently feasible. I did turn a thousand dollars into about seven million once playing online poker, without using any sort of false persona, but I subsequently lost most of it and it was play money anyway.

Holy sh*t..... So many long comments...........

Apricot: Thanks for the mention... I am no AFW, John A. Barry, Alvin Rhodes, Below Average Dave, Spaff or Malcolm Higgins, and in no way compare to Weird Al and Bob Rivers, but I am still pretty good.

I had to get a new computer since my old one croaked, scrubbing all my parodies, but I'll try to get back at it.