I've just dealt you three 5s.

Very creative card and chip sound effects there, Turtle! Blackjack is one of my fave games in the casinos, but I always remind myself it's not computer game blackjack! A tribute to blackjack21? I hope he gets to read this one! Oh well, you just won a hand at blackjack for $555!!

Man, if i had a dollar for every time someone wrote a theme song for me.....I'd have two bucks! ;-)

Good job of capturing the flavor of the game. (Drawing a Two is not usually a big help to the player, but is to the dealer.) I liked it very much, most enjoyable. And savvy? Yeah, that works. :-D

Only cards left in the deck are fives.

John Barry: Tthat leaves me in a bad spot, with the dealer showing an 8, but I'll take 'em anyway, cuz BJ's been reading the deck, so I'm sure to hit another five for a winner :) Thanks, John.

Christie Marie M: He did. :) Thanks for v/c (votes and chips)! BJ21, do I cash in Christie's chips, or let 'em ride?

blackjack21: Spit your songs and double down -- it's lookin' good! :)

Appreciate your explaining my line to the readers, so that I didn't have to (first hand not going your way, hitting a 2). .... Now, if the deck is all Fives, won't all future hands be a draw, at 20-20? (lol)... Glad ya liked yer theme -- and, of course, you pay a percentage of your winnings to your backers, right? :) :)

Typo Turtle strikes again (@#$% flippers!) "Split" your songs, of course.

If you won $555 on one hand of blackjack, you obviously had your max bet of $222 out there and hit a blackjack, which paid you 3:2 odds. Don't get greedy, stick with $222 until the count goes back to neutral. ;-)

Sometimes I spit my songs too. :-D

Deck is all Fives means your next hand would be 3 Fives, but you knew that. :-D (You would actually lose if the deck was all Fives because you would never hit your 15 against the dealer showing a Five.) :-(

LOL @ Typo Turtle!

Dealin's done, fine author!!! Hey TT, i used some of your skills for my 100th the other day: http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/theproclaimers16.shtml

All hands on deck? All decks in hands? All-Texan bands? (I rather like that one...) ANYway... a "hand"some parody to equally handsome, if not more so, BJ21!

Stylish, nice imagery, well paced, tense. I'm not a player but I know a card when I see one. 555

Has a certain Turtle been in Nevada recently, perchance? Excellent subbing all the wat through, TT. 555

blackjack21: If it's a six-deck shoe, and the remaining 24 cards are all Fives, wouldn't I *have* to hit my 15, knowing that the dealer also has 15 and *must* draw, making 20? Hence the ties.... right? :D

Matk Scotti: Aw shucks, *very* kind of you to typo yer own nick just to make the clumsy turtle look not so bad :D ... sorry I missed your 100! Will check it out, def.... got some dealin' and collaboratin' to do, but it's on the "must-read" list -- bet on it! Thanks, Matk! or, uh, Mark!

Fiddlegirl: Sorry, leaves out the Beatles, Motown, and a lot of others.... but yay Lubbock! (three tribs by TT) ... thanks for v/c, Pardner! (tips Stetson, tipsy stepson, steps on t*ts....) .... security code 7FG -- lucky omen!

metaphorsbwithu: "card": LOL! Good one! :D thanks m4!

Polymath'iambico'stestickly'laudacious!

Nicely dealt to your readers. Maybe Neil could sing this version in Vegas.

Kristof Robertson: Sorry we cross-posted there, which is why your reply wasn't in the previous batch. This is a tribute to AIR's own writer, blackjack21, as per the link in the intro. Thanks for v/c, Kristof!

Playin' With A Fool Deck: Thankethsoverykindlyyouwhobesogracious!

Timmy1000: Oh, I so wish... I could use the royalties! Thanks, Timmy!

Aw. shucks, ma'am...thank ya kindly. ;-)

Only if you had Rain Man counting the cards for you, but theoretically you are correct.. But, if you *knew* they were all Fives you would get up and find another table. Why waste time when you know you're just going to push? You're there to make money! ;-)

Did you get a read of my Fiddlegirl trib last week? I'm sure you would have a comment or two. Check it out, if you dare. ;-)

(From several comments ago)

Yes, but there just isn't room for *everyone* inside my computer screen! [Just think how often it would need cleaning...] ;)

But all along, I thought *you* were Rain Man. I asked once about six-deck shoes, and thought you were counting them. Does *any* casino, at least in Vegas, deal from a single deck? For years now?

Sorry I missed your FG trib. It takes all of my spare time to satisfy her needs ... speaking of parody collaboration, of course! :D ... will go read it.

V/c'd your FG trib.

OK, think I 'splained it before, but I'll give the extended version, 'cause I love talking blackjack. ;-)

I DO count the 6-deck shoes and have also counted 8-deck shoes. It's quite possible to count an infinite number of decks because: I'm only tracking the ratio of high (10-A) cards to low (2-6) cards. Neutral (7-9) cards are not counted. I also have a side count of how many Aces have been played.

This is in addition to memorizing the 270 basic strategy plays and the 18 variations of basic strategy based on whether the true count is positive or negative. This is all my feeble brain can handle, and I don't always get it 100% right.

Working on it at home is easy, taking it live to Vegas with all the dick-stractions and free drinks is a monu-mental challenge. :-D

You can still get a single-deck game in Vegas, but it's hard to find one with decent rules, the killer being natural 21s only pay 6:5 or even money. Most of them also only deal out about half the deck before shuffling. Even a single-deck would be hard to *Rain Man* because it's basically 13 side counts at a fast pace.

But going back to our original scenario; all Fives left in the shoe. There is a simple count called the Ace-Five count that would espose this unlikely situation. This is a beginners count that only tracks the ratio of Aces to Fives, being that Aces are most favorable to the player and Fives are most favorable to the dealer. So IF they dealt out the whole shoe and IF there was exactly 24 cards left and IF you knew that and IF you had not counted any Fives to that point, then you would have only Fives left in the shoe. I have calculated the odds of that at about 555 bajillion to 1. =;-D

Sheesh! All that because I tried to use what I thought was a clever way of voting you three Fives for your parody, LOL!!! Rock on, Turtle dude. ;-)

Eek, a typo! And I don't even have flippers to deal with. ;-) I suppose I could have been trying to *espouse* it also, but the A-5 count would *expose* the unlikely situation. :-D

I wondered about that payout when you gave me 3:2 in Christie Marie's comment, after previously saying it was now 6:5.

Also wondered whether you did the full count (2s, 3,s, 4s, etc.) vs just high-low. Remembered some mention of the latter, as yeah, the full-count method would be tough into six or more decks, except for moi, of course, (Do you remember a comment at one of your songs a while back, from Rain Man? T'was moi :)

And I calculate the chances of the last 24 cards of six decks being all Fives at exactly 1 in 4.7075507423209413911013120151957 x 10^35. Well, almost exactly -- that's rounded to 31 places. :)

I cannot tell a lie -- I didn't do that in my head. I used the calculator built into Windoze. I'm not really Rain Man -- but not too bad with numbers, either. I used to do a party trick of writing down the first 75 decimals of pi, then reciting them aloud as peeps matched it against the sheet. A mind is a terrible thing to waste -- and a waste is a terrible thing to mind.

Refuse the free alcohol, drink caffeinated beverages or take a pseudoephedrine or whatever gets your juices flowing, and, uh, make sure all other needs are well taken care of (wink-nudge), so that the dick-stractions can be ignored -- or at least, be not quite so dick-stracting -- before sitting down to play.

Half of a single deck still seems a lot better for you than a six- or eight-deck shoe played to the end. At the very least, you could cut that to four side counts: 2-4, 5-7, 9/10, A (8 neutral), or however you would tweak that. But if they cut the payout, forget it.

I liked the voting method (kinda expected it, actually :) as well as the discussion, but if you wish, a simple 555 will suffice :D ... btw, did you ever get yer Rolex out of hock? And the Ferrari out of Customs? :D

Standard payout for all reputable shoe games is 3:2. The standard for single-deck games has pretty much become 6:5. You can find the 3:2 in some of the higher minimum games, usually $50-$100 min. bet per hand, too rich for my current bankroll.

I do a single level hi-lo count; all low cards are assigned the same value (+1) as well as high cards (-1) and neutral cards are zero. So if you see: 7-3-K-A-2-5-10-A-9-3-6-J-A-4-Q-8-A, your running count is (-2) and 3 Aces have been played.

Nice calculation, but much easier to say, “Ain’t gonna happen!” ;-D

Free drinks are my number one comp and I’ll not give them up! ;-)

Number of decks used is only a small part of a good game, rules and how many cards dealt out of those decks before shuffling being the most important factors.

Clever 555s are much more fun, but do require more work.

I had a Rolex? AND a Ferrari?!? Hmm, maybe I *do* need to give up those free drinks. :-D

There's a reason for those free drinks. You named it. Carry a flask and pour them in, to save for later. heh heh . :).... *One* drink impairs your reflexes, per driving instructors, so surely impairs ability to remember so many things and to think rapidly "on your feet" so to speak.

The calculation wasn't that hard nor that time-consuming. It's been more years than I care to admit since I took Probability And Statistics -- I had Calculus at age 15 -- so I wouldn't stake my life on it, but the formula is pretty simple IIRC. Surely you had that course (P&S), too?

Ref. to the movie, Rain Man -- Tom Cruise hocking Rolex to stake RM to the game, so he could win enough to bribe Customs to let the non-emission-controlled pasta rocket through. Don't tell me you don't watch that movie every night, as a bedtime story? :D

Don't ask how I stumbled over this worthy trib from three years ago, but to the long-lost AJ21:

"So if you see: 7-3-K-A-2-5-10-A-9-3-6-J-A-4-Q-8-A, your running count is (-2) and 3 Aces have been played"

I used my fingers this time (actually, four flippers), and it looks like four (4) Aces have been played, not three, no matter how many times I recount it... ;)

I know nothing about blackjack (poker and euchre are my games), but excellent syllable matching as always.

Here is one of our early card ones:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/everlybrothers12.shtml

Aw, c'mon, Merry, you like poker and euchre only because they rhyme! ;) ... hmmm, seems as though they don't. Close enough slant-rhyme for a parody, though.

Ahh, you like it because it[s popular in Cornwall!
Anyway, thanks for the kind words instead of giving me "craps". ;-D

You found a way to make this much more impressive than our own effort, TT! Good job.

Merry? What's to know about Blackjack? Can you count? You're 95% of the way there.

Tommy - my dad's family are poker player from way back. The jars of pennies are still in the kitchen cupboard somewhere. As for euchre, wandlimb has a fondness for it and bullied me in to learning it when we were teens (come to think of it, she bullied me into doing a lot of stuff when we were teens...but it all came out good - she made me read that blasted "Love and Addiction" book too...)

Peregrin: Thanks for the kind words! ... As for Merry and "count", note that "counting cards" as a strategy, as described by the subject of this tribute, blackjack21 (who's been gone for ages, it seems), is a lot more complex than "if you can count to 21". IDK which you meant. Also, when to split and double down, etc. In short, it's like poker, chess, or bridge -- it's easy enough to learn the rules, but you can spend a lifetime learning strategy. Agree?


Meriadoc - "(come to think of it, she bullied me into doing a lot of stuff when we were teens...but it all came out good...)" Video! I want video of some of that stuff she bullied you into! ;-D ... not familiar with "Love and Addiction", but from a quick review at WikiP, I can see why you describe it as "blasted". ;)
    When online hold-em poker became the rage, I took $1,000 and ran it into more than half a million before the US Gov, in Its Infinite Wisdom, banned online gambling (in a rider attached to a Port Security bill). Too bad it was all play money. :D
    You'd have liked the strategy: After playing for a while under the present nick, and learning a few things, I started using a rather suggestive female nick, and while I'd not actively flirt, guys would be busy doing so, receiving non-committal replies, which only made them push harder -- and not play their best game. Proving once again that men are idiots, but we must blame the lousy wiring job on the Engineer. (Paraphrased Mae West once: Male player asks what I'm wearing. Reply: "All I have on is my laptop".) Someone started e-mailing me, wanting to get to know me, and I had to gently advise him that not everything people say about themselves on the Internet is true. (Gasp!) E. g., I could be old, obese, ugly, etc. I spared his feelings a bit by not including "or male".
    I'd never seen the name "wandlimb" until a few months ago, and DK that you and she were friends from childhood or teens. Love her comments! (and IDK she was a she. No clues or tipoffs, but having misguessed on Royce, as practically all noobs did, and on 2Eagle, I wasn't going to take a guess. ;)
    Eventually wrote two self-deprecating tributes to Royce and my mistakes, and I'm very glad those tributes were posted while she was still here to read them. .. I've written far too many words without a song plug LOL, so should you like, they're here: (One title switch was obvious)

http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/johnnycash70.shtml

http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/shirleybassey17.shtml

Merry: Me think you doth complain too loudly! After all, let us not forget it was you who made (and I use that word advisedly) me read the "The Plague" by Albert Camus...

Tommy: I wasn't referring to card counting per se (as it tuns out i know someone who has been banned from Casinos for doing just that - and she would have to be the most unlikely person you could ever imagine...but that's not for this story). What I meant was that, notwithstanding the subtleties of the game, if you can add on the go, and have a vague idea of probabilities, then you are well on your way to understanding the game.

Pip, she made you read Camus? Grounds for parody-partner D-I-V-O-R-C-E! Cruel and unusual pun-ishment!

Thanks for clarifying. What I still don't understand is why casinos can ban card-counters, who are *not* in any way cheating. The motto seems to be that you're welcome to play here, so long as you lose. Which is why I visited Vegas once, to see the sights, but did not play.

@ Tommy: the book is here:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Addiction-Signet-Stanton-Peele/dp/0451155386

I hated reading it, because everything in it was true... it really ought to be required reading for all teens though.

I've known wandlimb for 46 years.....

@Pippin: re - Camus: And you are far richer intellectually having read it. You'll thank me one day. Everyone should at least read some Camus, Vonnegut and Brautigan.

Merry: "You'll thank me one day" - Perhaps so, but I have a suspicion it may not be till I have long since shuffled off of this mortal coil. And as communication channels at that point are presently unknown, how will I ever tell you?

Brautigan I claim ignorance to (how embarrassing). Vonnegut: No problemo. Camus: Big problemo.

I once told you that in th grade English, our required reading for the year was 'Sons and Lovers' by D H Lawrence. At the time, I thought he was the worst manic depressive that ever put pen to paper. But all those years later, I found Camus...

(reversing earlier ruling)

Stop! You're both wrong! xD

Shakespeare could fit all those writers in his back pocket, as Pip implied. In fact, WS was the only author quoted during these pleadings, ergo, ipso facto, res ipsa loquitur.

Merry, I'll pass on buying it, thanks. it's a little late, anyway. Not only by several decades, but I'm afraid the addiction to sheep-loving is hopelessly incurable --- at least, parodically speaking. ;)

Re: wandlimb: (bespeaks of a peg-legged pirate?) Now you can never again claim to be 39 , buahaha! xD

As for "intellectual writers", I'll always be a fan of Rand. (Ayn, but Sally, too, back in the day.)
  http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/dionnewarwick20.shtml

(Ironic OS, given the topic of your recommended book?)

Had to scroll back up, as by now I've completely forgotten what parody we were even discussing...

I love Shakespeare and would like to re-read all of his, but unfortunately I left my entire collection in CA (not at wandlimb's, but at the ex's which means I am not getting them back - sigh)

Othello was always my favorite; I rather liked Iago, but then I am known to be fond of villains. (I am a bona fide descendant of Mable de Belleme).

Mable: Yikes! I hereby revoke the invitation to my place on the ocean, with its warm winter weather. 8-O

I am a bona fide descendant of Gamera The Invincible, as noted in my bio here.

Re: Ex-Speared: Are there no libraries there? ("No workhouses? No prisons?" lol ;)

I empathize with Hamlet's cynical outlook on life and the people in it, and R&J were such a classic tragedy that they became West Side Story, and are still being remade these days.
  We parodied the star-crossed lovers to Dusty Springfield, who had her own problems in life. On the off-chance that you're interested (the long-missed Kris R loved our entire "classics" genre), it's at
  http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/dustyspringfield44.shtml

We also did Hamlet to Dusty (now, *there's* a pair!), as well as MacBeth, J. Caesar, Helen of Troy, and Dante's "Inferno".