When I'm out of vodka, I just go for the rubbing alcohol (ethyl, not isopropyl), and I water it down. Most people can't tell the difference if it's in a Collins or a Bloody Mary. Great job, and 5s to you!

Yes, for those of you who failed high school chemistry DO NOT DRINK ISOPROPYL ALCOHOL. That stuff will mess you up bad. And most rubbing alcohols are isopropyl, not ethyl.

This just might turn into a new drinking song, TT.

This was even better than Sonata Arctica's Vodka song! 555

Tommy slayed da' theme'a!
Tommy laid a ween'ah!
Bring his bong!
Sing 'dis song!

Fare is Jack D,
Fare is Jack D,
Darned good hooch,
Darned good hooch.
Stoned not on martinis,
Stoned not on martinis,
Still damn drunk,
Still man, drunk.

Allan Sherman is rolling over laughing in his grave! Super!

Sacre Merde! I mean...no more wodka, chubnik? ;D

How a little simple rhyme becomes a gem: Throw in a Turtle & a bottle of vodka!! 555 shots!!!

I'll take whiskey(Not too risky)Maker's MarkMaker's MarkIf your life's disturbin'Have a little bourbonHere's to you!Cheers to you! :D

Oops... used l/c instead of capitals. Oh, well. You're a bright turtle; you'll figure it out. If you're not too drunk by now. ;)

(drunken): Vvvvvverrrrrryyyyyy parody great, Turtle! I'm the pife of the larty! (Life of the party). (gulp) (hic). Ohhhh, theresssshhhh free set's of fives I see? (normal voice, now sober): Excellent job as always, Tommy Turtle! Great parody to write for the weekend! I'll drink to that! Here's 555 pints of vodka!

Andria: Thanks for the v/c, of course, but *please* heed McKludge: I've *never* seen anything labeled "rubbing alcohol" that wasn't isopropanol, and he's "dead on" about the consequences. Same with methyl alcohol, a/k/a "wood alcohol" (as it was once produced from wood), a/k/a "methanol", which is used to enhance gasoline as a racing fuel; it will *literally* get you "blind drunk" -- it causes permanent blindness.

I could be mistaken, and I probably am, but i believe that you might be referring to "grain alcohol", which is sold in liquor stores, often at 153 proof. It's just distilled *ethyl* (drinking) alcohol at a little over 75% strength.... One of my relatives used to work in a hospital laboratory, and occasionally brought home reagent-grade, chemically-pure 100% ethyl alcohol. A tad o' that in your grape juice, or whatever... thanks again for v/c, and stay safe!

McKludge: Works for me! (Will folks be kind enough to toast the author? lol). Thanks for v/c, and for warning Andria and others 'fore I got here. Cheers!

DJ Blaze: DKTOS (other song), but I'll take the compliment! Thanks, DJ!

TJC:
Thanks to TJ, thanks to TJ Friend so true, friend so true Always: comment, funny Clever, bright and punny That is you! That is you!

John Barry: Well, of course someone named "John" would prefer "Jack" lol. .... thought from recollections of three years ago that you were a Scotch man? (with a bit of Welsh, Irish, and Armenian thrown in) ... but what do *you* do when when you run out, i. e., when you can't Jack off any more? ... thanks for v/c, John/Jack!

metaphorsbwithu: WOW! what a comparison! You do me great honor, Sir (or Madam) .... If John McCain had used the nickname, "Jack", which I don't believe he did, would the 2008 GOP slate have been called the "Sarah Jack-man" ticket? ..... thanks for v/c, and if ya missed it the first time (or even if ya didn't), still the most clever nick I've ever seen here :)

Old Man Ribber: No, but you've given my an idea with your opener: Just go to Church and take the Sacrament about 80 times -- oughta be enough wine to do the trick. :) thanks for v/c, OMR.

Mark Scotti: It's the core recipe for any great party! (lol)... thanks for v/c!

Tipsy Fiddlegirl: There, you've just had my drink flung at you! See? It *does* happen! :-) ... thanks for v/c (vodka comment), and someday, I'll leave my Maker's Mark on your pretty little hide (parodically speaking, of course).

Christie Marie M:
Starkle, starkle, little twink Who the h*ll you are, I think?

I've only had tee martoonis -- I mean, one Scotch and soldieir -- and besides, I've got all day Sober to sunday up in. .... (thanks for v/hic/c!)

"Vodka" was performed by the Finnish power metal band Sonata Arctica at the end of one of their Japanese tours. It is a spoof of the traditional song "Nagila Hava". Figured you wouldn't know it, I'm into obscure, foreign bands like that.

DJ Blaze: Thanks for the explanation. However, if they're referring to the Jewish folk song, isn't it "Hava Negila"? Guess they flipped the title as well as spoofing it - -- or they were dyslexic lol. :)

Liquor is quicker! [Wakes up... startled at sight of turtle...] ;)

I've thought about doing a parody to Hava Nagila and calling it Have A Tequila. So why not just imbibe yourself into oblivion and have a tequila and another and another just as the OS goes on with the same three verses over and over . 3 Minutes - Impressive. You dumped more than your memory in the facillities. I'll have a shot of that vodka with a wedge of lime on the fives.

Short, but gets to the point creatively..tasty

ditto AFW :)

Guy: SUPER title switch!!!! Go for it ... but gotta put in a little more variation that TOS ... and the vodka's on me. Thanks, Guy.

AFW: Unusual for TT, eh? :) thanks A.

alvin: ditto what TT said to AFW, and nice to have ya back!

Sign in saloon: "Liquor in the front, poker in the rear".

ROFL!!! I think you win *this* round!

'twas me that diitoed AFW unless alvin did too. I'll add more...loved it. Proves you don't need an intricate parody to be noteworthy. 5's

Just shows how snockered I was at the time ... why, you and alvin don't look anything alike! For one thing, you're taller.... Now that I've sobered up a bit, a thousand pardons for the error, and even more thanks for v/c.

btw, re: last half of comment: agree completely. have some simpler parodies coming for next week.

The title is so depressing I almost didn't read the parody. But as you so ably point out, if the alcohol cupboard runs bare you can always turn to the spice rack. Does C2-H5-OH have the same effect on turtles as on humans?

How tall do you think I am? I'm 5'3" tall...about normal for a female.

Rex: I know that it does on skunks, hence the expression "drunk as a skunk". :D .. I'm not sure about turtles. The main effects seem to be writing silly parodies with outrageous and badly-stretched puns, obscure references, etc.... which no sober turtle has ever done (true?)... thanks for v/c, King Rex!

adagio: ".about normal for a female" is the one line I would *not* use to describe you. (KIDDING! KIDDING! KIDDING!) ... ok, you're shorter than alvin (he once wrote a parody about being vertically-challenged - I have all 1500+ of his parodies memorized, of course ;) Just trying to dig my way out of a hole, and digging in deeper instead ... mercy, please!

Genius play on words, dude.

Mare Garrel: Thanks much, and pleased to make your acquaintance. Welcome!

(showing mercy to TT)

I did some research, and I discovered an ethyl rubbing alcohol. It is made by Humco, which is America's number-one supplier of Syrup of Ipecac, castor oil and other outdated "remedies". Alcohol content: 70% (not stated whether by weight or volume). Find the supplier at double you, double you, double you, dot humco, dot com, and go into "Products". They sell factory-direct, and I have been able to order ethyl rubbing alcohol, among many other things, under different names (mostly spelling variations and misspellings of my first and last names) and IPs.

adagio: bless you, ma'am. :)

Andria: Interesting. That is the first ethyl rubbing alcohol I've ever seen. I notice that they have one packaging of that and six of the usual isopropyl. It's also not clear to me what the advantage would be for its intended use, as a rubbing alcohol or disinfectant. Also, didn't immediately see what the other ingredients were -- hoping just water. Guess it could serve double-duty if you run out of hooch.

My concern was that others might interpret the comment to mean that rubbing alcohol in general was OK to drink -- McKludge seemed to take it the same way -- and I thought it important to emphasize strongly that that was not the case. Thanks for the tidbit.

(also not sure why you went to the trouble unless you're underage, which it doesn't sound to be the case, but I guess we don' t need to know :)

You really don't want to know. All I'm gonna say is it involves monitoring my internet use and mail, visiting cybercafes and the library a lot, and making every variation possible, a paranoid landlord and then some on my first, last and middle names. BTW, I understand about McKludge and you being concerned about other AmIRighters and visitors alike drinking isopropyl or wood alcohol, and I am guessing they use syrup of ipecac or something like that in it to discourage use as a beverage since it makes me vomit unless I cut it with lots of purified water.

Andria (and I know you're talking to me lol), I am NOT a doctor, and you should consult one. But from my understanding, ipecac is *poisonous*. You are *supposed* to vomit it back up. If you don't, you're supposed to go to the hospital and get it pumped from your stomach or whatever. Again, I'm *not* an M.D., *not* giving medical advice (I can't), just telling you what I seem to remember. Please err on the side of caution and ask your physician about this. I'll be very interested to hear what s/he has to say.

Short, sweet, funny! Not a bad result from three minutes' worth of work (I hope I got that apostrophe correct =)). Re: ethyl alcohol, I thought that any ethanol that did not not haves taxes paid on it had to be denatured - amiright?

Red Ant: urright 100% on the apostrophe (after so many years since the grammarodies -- I am *so* proud!)... and 99% right on the denaturing for camp stoves, etc. However, as WPedia says,

"In instances where absolutely pure ethanol is needed at a reasonable non-consumption-taxed price (for example, at chemical research laboratories), tight security procedures are required to eliminate the possibility of conversion for human consumption — specifically, tracking the purchase and distribution of the alcohol, and ensuring compliance of workers who handle the pure ethanol."

Of course, if one's relative is the head of the laboratory.... :) :) :) .. thanks for v/c, Stranger!

I'm just Tickled Pink with this parody (I bet you remember THAT awful stuff, eh?)

Merry - Actually not, but with my memory slipping by the day... I searched and found several recipes, one with pink lemonade, one with champagne, etc. To which do you refer? ... not that it matters. Clearly just a cute, punny way to laud the parody, for which many thanks, and a glass of whatever is your fave!

My fave line "Life is blotchka'd, must get splotchka'd" :)

Your footnote re Ethyl: reminds of that great line from Duel, where Dennis Hopper pulls into the filling station and says to the crusty old attendant "Fill her with Ethyl", and the guy replies "If Ethyl don't mind" !!!

Peregrin, didn't see the movie, so LOL! ... and sometimes it's the most mangled, rather than the most clever, subs that win, en? Thanks for read and comment!

Sec. code CHP --- hope they don't catch me. (Somehow, I'm confident that my Aussie pal knows the reference. ;)

Your confidence is well-founded! Erik Estrada and Larry Wilcox.

Tommy, Tickle Pink was some sort of gawdawful, very cheap ripple. It appeared with frequency at wandlimb basement parties. This partier had the sense to stick to the lone bottle of Reunite that always happened to be present.

Merry, she really *was* a bully! Surprised you remained friends LOL (and explains your desire for Dominant revenge on all ;) .... and it seems there are far too many lewd puns that could be made on such a product name, but one TT rule is never to go for the obvious. ;-D

Peregrin, my confidence was under-founded! You actually remembered their names! (surely not by looking it up, of course.) Your cup (hopefully not of Tickle Pink) runneth over!

Nope, not at all! Retrieved from a sector of my brain's hard drive that doesn't have any read/write errors yet. Personally, I always thought 'Poncherello" was more like "Poncy-rello". I surprised they let him ride out in the wind, lest all his tickets blow off him...

Peregrin, you still have a part of your brain's HD with no read/write errors? Clearly, you haven't been drinking enough vodka! ;-D
  (or -- gasp! -- I've been drinking too much .... ponders ... naah, I'm good; it's Pip who has to struggle with the fact that "reality is an illusion caused by the absence of alcohol.")

Cold-hearted orb that rules the night
Removes the colours from our sight
Red is grey and yellow, white
But we decide which is right
And which IS an illusion...


BONNNNNNGGGGGGGGG.........

(Blatant ripoff of the Rank Organisation bonging guy on the start of old movies)

Peregrin, you've lost me completely. Vaguely aware of some old movies starting with a gong, but don't recognize the verse, sorry.

The verse is from the spoken part of the ending of "Nights in white satin" - the proper long version which of course no radio station would ever play.

As for what I am talking about, please watch this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjBgnzTTtIQ

There's a bit of background about it here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rank_Organisation

Pip, watch out before Merry starts chewing you out for too many links, as she did me. :-(
(j/k, and yours weren't self-serving. ;)

Yes, as said, I do remember old movies starting thusly, and did remember the name of the Rank Org, when your prev. comment refreshed feeble (and fading) memory. ... I "have" heard long version of NIWS a couple of times, back in the day when it was fresh, but not enough to have remembered the lyrics. Thanks for the info.

(should we start putting footnotes in comments now? ;)

Thanks for looking!