I had it made...babes would all succumb
Now some say that I'm just a bum
No Mrs. there...she was so far, far away
That gave me all the room I needed when I would want to play

They would come to my place...secret as can be
They could not be seen...there with me
They knew that I had a wife
And if they talked, they'd meet Mr. Knife
Each one had thought she's the most special one
I am entitled to some fun
My closet is my favorite place
I've really been on quite a pace

Oh where oh where did my intern go
Keystone Cops say they want to know
But Abby's saying I do not have to tell
And those who do not like it...they are free to...all go to hell

I have pictures snapped wearing a shirt and tie
Oh my goodness, I'm a cool guy
Don't you think I have a handsome smile
And my blow dry hair's exuding such style
I have one goal that I swear I will do
Hefner, I will be replacing you!

I guess you've seen...I've got a kinky side
I've spanked my dates until they all have cried
When I'm in bed, yes, I'm wearing both my socks
Would you like to whip my, buttocks?

Oh where oh where did my intern go
Keystone Cops say they want to know
But Abby's saying I do not have to tell
And those who do not like it...they are free to...all go to hell

Ha ha ha ha ha...they will not catch me
So ha ha ha ha ha...they will not catch me
So ha ha ha ha ha...they will not catch me
So ha ha ha ha ha...they will not catch me