Soooome... people say a coach's name will be mud.
A poor team's players losing ballgames and blood.
Ballgames and blood, breaking bones.
A team that's weak getting in the end zone.

You coach sixteen games, and what do you get?
Another year older and feeling all wet.
St. Vincent, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go.
I owe my soul to sports-talk radio!

I-I-I-I-I... was born one morning when the sun didn't shine.
I played some football, mostly riding the pine.
I played just sixteen games, didn't cross no team's goal
and the coach told me, "You won't play in no bowl."

You coach sixteen games, and what do you get?
Another year older and feeling all wet.
St. Vincent, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go.
I owe my soul to sports-talk radio!

I-I-I-I-I... was hired one morning, it was drizzling rain.
"West Coast Offense Wizard" is my middle name.
Installed my option package, thought it was looking real fine
but I got no blocking from the men on the line.

You coach sixteen games, and what do you get?
Another year older and feeling all wet.
St. Vincent, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go.
I owe my soul to sports-talk radio!

Theeeee... owner came and told me I should step aside.
A lot of fans left early, a lot of fans cried.
One loss to Dolphins, and one loss to Steel.
If the Cowboys don't get you, then the Packers will.

You coach sixteen games, and what do you get?
Another year older and feeling all wet.
St. Vincent, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go...

I owwwwe myyyyy sou-ou-ou-ou-oullllllll...
to sports-talk radio!