You'd think that makin' a t-shirt would be a joy (joy)
Real piece of pie (pie) but that's a lie
'Cause I'm real close to goin' nuts, it hurts my brain (why?)
I've botched the shape (why?), won't fit my frame
Makes zero sense 'cause I followed ev'ry step here right
Yet the left sleeve has a size that drops to the floor, drops to the floor
And the sleeve on the right? I doubled-up somehow, so I've
Been rackin' through my tiny mind, how did this get borked? Dreams have been torn

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
I followed the pattern, no better than tatters is all that remains
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (oh-oh-oh)
Why was the guide claiming I needed no training? It's clear as day
That I've screwed up this pattern
Couldn't get badder makin' this pattern, oh-oh-oh

I'd restart but I feel there's no point, I fear
I doubt that I'll fair much better, that blows
Not the first time I've failed, it looks like I'll do that more
Constant fails, I abhor, I'd rather it be good
Take fifty-eight, let's go (ooh), try to make it wearable (ooh-ooh, ooh)
Or at least comparable (ooh-ooh) to what's in the store, what's in the store
Real pain in the behind (ooh) that my plans can't be realised (ooh-ooh, ooh)
A homemade gift is always nice (ooh-ooh), I've done it before, can't I do more?

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
I followed the pattern yet it looks like tatters, wasn't my aim
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (oh-oh-oh)
I need some retraining, my sewing game's failing and that's a pain
Can I just blame the pattern?
No, that feels badder, just suck at patterns, oh-oh-oh

Ooh (ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh