When you're a Vet,
You're a Vet all the way
From your first pampered pet
To the last cat you spay

When you're a Vet,
If the shit hits your shoes
And you're standing around
In dank, doggy do-dos

You're never at home
Your family's neglected
You're left on your own
When Doberman's injected
You're unprotected!

When
You hit that farm
You know what comes to pass
As you must stick your arm
Up that hot bovine arse
When you're a Vet,
You smell a Vet!

[Spoken: Still thinking about being a vet, James?]

When you're a Vet
You've done each cat in town,
They'll be no kitten lit-
Ters once you've been around

When you're a Vet
You can cure anything:
Little dog, how's your tail?
Little bird, how's your wing?

The Vet's coming here
Syringes are a-prickin'
It's his whole career
What animal is sicken:
A lousy chicken?

Here comes the Vet
'Cause your poor dog is ill
If you call him your way
You'll be gettin' the bill

Here comes the Vet
Like Madonna in drag
In his black leather shoes
And his black leather bag

He's charging a fee
For call-out and endurance
He sure isn't free
Unless you give assurance
Or buy insurance

Here comes the Vet
Yeah! And he's gonna get
Ev'ry last dog and cat
Ev'ry last unwell pet
Ev'ry ill
Sickly!
Mangy!
Lickin'
Pet
Yeah!