I won't buy gifts for Mom or Dad;
Parents have mooched from me.
If my kids want gifts, well, too bad!
Children have mooched from me.
My siblings and cousins are rude;
My so-called friends got me screwed;
Grandfolks, you can eat cat food!
Everyone mooched from me.

So I'm doin' nuttin' for Christmas.
Caroling beggars, begone!
I'm doin' nuttin' for Christmas.
I've got a gun; get off my lawn!

I won't be hanging Christmas lights;
Saves electricity.
With shoppers, I'll have no more fights;
I'm staying home, you see.
While others tear the stores apart,
Raiding Best Buy and Wal-Mart,
I'll be healthy, wise, and smart,
And save all my money.

Oh, I'm doin' nuttin' for Christmas.
Santa and Rudolph, drop dead!
I'm doin' nuttin' for Christmas.
Frosty, you can go boil your head!

I won't send cash to charities;
They've always mooched from me.
Christmas protesters all can freeze;
They want to mooch from me.
Go put on Nativity plays,
Or burn candles for eight days.
Celebrate your sundry ways;
Just do not mooch from me.

Yeah, I'm doin' nuttin' for Christmas;
Screw your freakin' culture wars!
I'm doin' nuttin' for Christmas;
All you grievance mongers, up yours!