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Song Parodies -> "US Stealth Myths Excused"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"US Stealth Myths Excused"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The purpose of this parody is NOT to put the USAF down but to correct many myths associated with stealth aircraft development. Myth #1 is that the US invented stealth through the Skunk Works- false. Germany had visual aerial stealth in WW1 and both naval and aerial stealth in WW2. Since there was no requirement for this postwar, stealth didn't come up again until the 1970s when new ways were looked at at masking strike and bomber aircraft. For the strike aircraft the CIA had obtained a Soviet book on radar diffraction through use of geometric shapes by Prof. Ufimtsev. The VVS rejected his proposal and so the book was declassified. The CIA got it to the USAF that gave it to Lockheed to develop throught he Skunk Works. The F-117 started off as a crude geometric design called the "Hopeless Diamond" which then turned into the Have Blue program and finally the finished machine was the F-117 Nighthawk which never was a fighter but a precision strike aircraft. With the B-2 bomber Northrop used the RAM (Radar Absorbing Material) and RAS (Radar Absorbing Structure) route which had already been used with German prototypes in WW2. Although Northrop had a history with flying wings, the B-2 was not based on any of those which is Myth #2. The B-2 is more akin to the Horten flying wings and when the B-2 was in development the stored, captured Ho-IX V3 was again analyzed in its entirety. The third myth is that the US maintains a stealth monopoly. False. W Germany had the MBB Lampyridae mock-up and RCS aircraft in 1989 and followed up with other designs like the DASA TDEFS and Dornier LA-2000. No one knows what the Germans have but two German black triangles were spotted over the RSA at the Overberg Test Range in the 1990s with LW markings (possible LA-2000 or spin-off). The UK has had HALO flying since the 1990s and admitted to it, later rolling out another craft called Replica and firefighters at the Boscombe Down crash reported a British unknown stealth aircraft similar to the US cancelled YF-23 Black Widow II. France also has a small stealth UCAV called the Petit Duc and a manned larger version called the Grande Duc. Russia experimented with plasma stealth screening on the Su-47 Berkut and is claimed to have a prototype stealth bomber- the Tu-212- under development. The old Sukhoi T-60S bomber is also still around and is rumored to be stealthed with RAM and RAS. Japan from scratch showed off the Mitsubishi stealth fighter in RCS mock-up years ago while Sweden, Italy, Spain, Israel, Iran, Pakistan, India, and RSA are all suspected of having stealth programs. Only the US has used stealth in modern combat but next time there may be several flying all over the globe! A B-3 is rumored under development under the codename BLACKBOLT...
US stealth myths excused
new designs

Ufimtsev’s book was the first used
Geo actin’
Radar diffractin’

AF had to have it
Faceting proved sound
For the “Hopeless Diamond”
Skunks works F-117 broke ground

[Russian indifference let them down]

US stealth myths excused
new designs
In time

The B-2
The B-2
The B-2
Was far more important
RAM-n-RAS flair
Cloaked in secrecy
Akin to Horten!!!

[V3 storin’]

Did succeed
US stealth myths excused
new designs
(book from Russia and secrets from Germany!)

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

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User Comments

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Felicity Merriman - October 02, 2012 - Report this comment
Suffice it to say, the whole stealth thing is older than dirt.
Rob Arndt - October 02, 2012 - Report this comment
Yes, lots of so-called aviation "firsts" are actually recycled ideas brought forward with advanced materials and tech- OR an actual requirement!!!
This Vet Remembers The USSR - October 08, 2012 - Report this comment
I remember when the Cold War was nearing its end the Stealth was revealed to the public. The Pentagon said it was "invincible". Uh-huh. It supposed first saw combat during the 1989-1990 Panama war. It probably was used in Iraq (1991 and 1998), Somalia, Haiti and such. In 1999 when NATO went to war in Yugoslavia (2nd time around) the Serbians managed to shoot a Stealth bomber down! Oh no! Well, the pilot was rescued and taken off to a NATO hospital in Germany. The Pentagon said to rest easy, boys and girls. The junked up Stealth in Serbian hands is "only 20 year old technology anyway". Everybody breathe a sigh of relief. All together now - whhhhheeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww!

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