Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "Calico Hard to Use"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Calico Hard to Use"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The Calico M955 SMG was a total disappointment. This odd weapon looks like a movie prop with its top-mounted helical mag that holds 100 rounds. You can load it but have to wind the spring before mounting it- 23 turns. If you exceed that number you break the spring mechanism! So that alone makes it unworthy of being practical. Add poor sighting- the rear is mounted on the magazine and you have to lean your head down quite a bit for alignment. Then there is the too long stock that is uncomfortabel and a flash suppressor that is worthless (at least at 720 rpm firing)! The releases for the mag have to be pressed inward so if you are in cold weather with heavy gloves or mitts- good luck releasing the mag. Mountings and change-outs are a bitch. I found nothing redeemable about this SMG or the pistol version. LAPD tried the 900-series but complained about many of these Cons and maintaining these weapons. I don't think it is in active inventory anymore- just used as a training weapon. It's just an oddball oddity. Btw, the Germans designed the 15cm Gustloff-Suhl Reichswerke sunken multibarrel helical Flak gun in WW2 so the concept is not new. The German gun would have fired 36,000 rpm!!!
Calico hard to use
spring to wind

Helical mag was something new
Odd designin’
For Police firin’

LAPD tried it
Pros- many rounds
But care was demanding
Cons- hard to load and release press-downs

Calico hard to use
spring to wind
23 times!

Little use
Little use
Little use
Light, long, and flimsy
Top, hundred rounds there
Makes it hard to see
Isn’t that handy

SMG
Calico hard to use
spring to wind
(not practical, just an oddity)
http://weapon.at.ua/_ph/10/925562782.jpg

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.
 

Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   10
 10
 10
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Meriadoc - August 28, 2012 - Report this comment
I guess they could just as well have made it out of cats and cloth, eh? ;)
Rob Arndt - August 28, 2012 - Report this comment
That was the description of "Hitler's Buzzsaw" MG-42 in WW2 by US troops- "fire sounded like the shredding of calico". At 1300 rpm I'd say that's about right :)

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/screaminjayhawkins843.shtml For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 999