When you're alone and oh, God you're so lonely
You can always watch - Springer!
When you've got no life all the whores and the fighting
Seems to give
Cheap thrills - Springer!
Just listen to the audience as they all yell out for "Steve!"
Fingers in the air from all the shemales who ain't pretty
How can you lose?
The guests are much dumber there
you can forget all the want ads
Just finish your beer
watching - Springer!
Things'll be great watching - Springer!
No finer show for sure - Springer!
Everyone's fighting for you.


Lesbians shaving each other's legs in the shower
There's no finer hour - Springer!
Maybe you know a couple cousins or two who'd kinda fool around on
Springer
Or watch the uncensored tapes without those lil'black boxes
You'll see bouncing by the strippers, every slo-mo jiggle - happy again.
The guests are much dumber there
you can forget all the want ads
Just finish your beer
watching - Springer!
...
And you may find somebody kind. Then yell "Go to Oprah!"
Someone who looks cute to you
and needs a gentle hand to spank their buttocks.
So maybe I'll see you there
we can forget all your troubles
Forget all your cares
and do - Springer
You've now hit rock bottom - Springer
There is no shame left for you - Springer
Everyone's fighting for you -
Springer
Springer
Springer
Springer