Song Parodies -> "Cleaver"

Original Song Title:

"Fever"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Cleaver"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

How's about a little "black humor" to start the week? We all have heard stories of some of the more infamous female axe murderers, I'm sure. Some pay the price and some get away ... or do they? Here's a guy who didn't, who took his inspiration from their tales, and is up front and honest about his own feelings on the subject. I call it:

CLEAVER

Never knew how much I loathed her
No one ever though I’d dare
Took her face in my hand sweetly
Then used my cleaver once to part her hair

I used a cleaver
Then I kissed her
Cleaved her then I held her tight
Cleaver!
Never mourning
Feelin’ everything’s all right

Bright lights tear up my eyes
Full Moon tells my fate
No need now for no third degree
‘cause you know I’ll gonna tell you straight

I used a cleaver
Then I kissed her
Cleaved her then I held her tight
Butchered!
No more scorn, I
Cleaved her, now her world’s made right

Never been a big achiever
Fate’s a friend and not a foe
Thievers aren’t born to sing blues
Thievers born to steal the show

Winnie Judd played innocent
Claimed that she was no damn hack
When the opened up her suitcase
They said Winnie gotta take your whacks

They said
We don’t believe her
Think she’s lyin’
Leave her sit in solitude
Leave her!
Her fate’s dire
Leave her lest she turn on you

Lizzie Borden went off the cliff
Not a tale for Sunday School
Axed mom and dad they asked for it
But her daddy didn’t raise no fool

They all believed her
She charmed them with her lashes
Played the Sunday school girl ... sound
Leave her!
No conviction
Daddy’s in the cold, cold ground.

Now you’ve heard my plain confession
Here's the point I’ve tried to sell
Some of us are born of bad seed
Born to burn away in … well

We’ll make you bleed girls
When we kiss you
Bleed you when we hold you tight
Cleavers!
We’ll be sizzlin’
Alone in hell forever burn

Alone in hell forever burn
Alone in hell forever burn
And what a lovely way to burn!

Yipe! Hope that little cleaver gave you a tickle. Wasn't that quite an ordeal ... for me! Time to split though! Bye for now!

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LSUFreek - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment

lol. Well-done. *Lorena Bobbit sets CD on repeat.*

Mark Scotti - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment

Very clever with that cleaver! This was NOT a "hack" job.

Timmy1000 - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment

This is even better than I thought - I was expecting a parody about Beaver Cleaver. This is about as far from the Beav as you can get.

Fiddlegirl - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment

Ragin Cajun, indeed! 555.... from some distance away ;)

June Cleaver - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment

It's like I said to Ward as I limped down the stairs this morning, "Ward, don't you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?" 555 from you know da*m well who :)

metaphorsbwithu - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment

Thanks LSUFreek. Except the Bobbit part. That's not a memory I wanted to resurrect. :-D

Thanks Mark, though there's a little bit of hack in all of us.

Why Fiddlegirl! Don't you know I wouldn't hurt a fly ... cher?

Don't think I didn't have Beaver in the back of my mind when I did this, TT. Classic June line. Remember when the Beav sold water to his neighbors and friends after finding out they were doing street work and the water was being shut off? Little capitalist! :-D

metaphorsbwithu - August 31, 2009 - Report this comment

Thanks Timmy1000. Cleaver! Wouldn't that make a great campy horror flick? Everyone would suspect detective Edward Haskell as the murderer, but it'd be the last person you'd suspect, that little old ... oh, oh, better not tell. I wouldn't want to spoil it.

TT a/k/a JC - September 01, 2009 - Report this comment

"Little capitalist! :-D"
But it produced a much better world than today, where they're training kids in socialism :)

Guy - September 01, 2009 - Report this comment

Forsby - Holy-gone-post-oly. Love the dark ride, thanks to Alvin hooking me on "Psycho". Welcome to the dark ride club. What made you hatch it? Whatever it was, I like it. Well done - this is a good contender for the comps. I'm choppin' you up a fine batch of bloddy fives.

metaphorsbwithu - September 01, 2009 - Report this comment

@ TT - Yes it did.

@ Guy - Glad you enjoyed the ride. Oh, yes! I'm a big Psycho fan and have seen it well over 20 times. Hitchcock too. His adaptation of the novel by Robert Bloch (quite different from the film) casting of Anthony Perkins, and all the little Hitchcock touches were sheer genius.

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