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Song Parodies -> "The Cat Came Back"

Original Song Title:

"The Cat Came Back"

Original Performer:

Miscellaneous

Parody Song Title:

"The Cat Came Back"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

If at first you don't succeed.. delete the submission and try again.

The massively over-egged misinformation peddled by Trump & Vance, lying about immigrants eating pets

Vance has admitted it isn't true, but asserts that by lying about immigrants in such a way as the town has received bomb threats is helpful. Trump still appears to believe it is happening, and anyone so credulous as to believe something based on hearsay and rumour should really be nowhere near the presidency.
Springfield, Ohio has got problems with its pets
Nasty rumours leading to terrorist bomb threats
Somebody's cat went missing (that part is really real)
And its owner thought Haitians made her cat into a meal

But.. the cat came back, the very next day
The cat came back, apparently uneaten
Yes the cat came back.. the rumours won't go away

A photo going viral was suggested as support
Of the pet-eating community eating stuff they didn't ought
But nobody had pointed out out before it all began
[The] photo didn't come from Springfield, and they weren't Haiti-an

And the cat came back, the very next day
The cat came back, no cat u-pon a platter
Yes the cat came back.. the rumours won't go away

Donald Trump was being badly beaten in debate
So he started screaming "dogs and cats and pets are being ate"
And because the Donald said it, many people think it's true
But if Donald cared about the truth, one might suppose he knew

That the cat came back, the very next day
The cat came back, guessed it uningested
Yes the cat came back.. the rumours won't go away

JD Vance admitted that the story wasn't true
But if lying helps constituents, he said that's what he'll do
But is it really helping that those terroristic twats
Are making threats quoting the Donald: "immigrants eat cats"?

But.. the cat came back, the very next day
The cat came back, no quibble: it's unnibbled
Yes the cat came back.. the rumours won't go away


[If] a moral might be found to this unedifying tale
Incitement based on twaddle should be well beyond the pale
The idiots believe it, so I'd like to make it clear:
A President who shares this shit? A very dumb idea

'Cause the cat came back, the very next day
The cat came back, yeah Trump was talking bollocks
Yes the cat came back.. the rumours won't go away

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Pacing: 1.0
How Funny: 1.0
Overall Rating: 1.0

Total Votes: 658

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   650
 650
 650
 
 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   7
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Meanwhile back in reality... - September 27, 2024 - Report this comment
"Yo! What is this they got on the grill?"

"Is that— You think it's cats?"

"Man, listen, man... There go a cat right there. His a** better get missin' man. Look like his homies on the grill, man! What the f***!?"
Meanwhile, back in reality... - September 27, 2024 - Report this comment
Daughter of Haitian immigrant says yes, they do eat cats:

https://rumble.com/v5eoqud

While she doesn't mention it, one other reason they eat cats down there is that those aren't their pets; the cats are wild animals. As in most parts of the world, being wild animals means they are considered legitimate prey for hunters. So to the Haitians, finding out that hunting and eating cats is offensive to people here because they're pets would be sort of like a possum hunter here in the U.S. finding out that his neighbor is ticked off at him because the possums he killed and ate were actually his neighbor's pets.
Video link that somehow got cut off: - September 27, 2024 - Report this comment
https://rumble.com/v5ez270

That's the video of the guy sounding off about the neighbor grilling a couple of cats on the grill mentioned above.
Harry Reid - September 27, 2024 - Report this comment
“They can call it whatever they want. Romney didn’t win did he?”
Schrodinger's Peter - September 27, 2024 - Report this comment
555. The only second term (pun totally intended) winner on this is PETA that might grab the pussy, I mean opportunity, in the wind and storm us all with endless propaganda that even more animals should be put on the no-grill list while Haitians are taken off the no-fly ditto. Will Camela be able to hold them at bay 2025-2028?

Anyway, did I tell you all that my grandmother ate bunnies during World War 2, even farmed them? She did, the whole village did. Winters in the early 40's were hard and meat was scarce. Technically Sweden wasn't involved in WW2, but Germany held Norway and there's a loooong common border between our nations that needed military garding. Grandpa was stationed there for close to two years while Grandma held down the farm back home. To their small stash of cows and pigs and hens she added a handful of bunnies and let nature work it's course. Apparently there was about 120 bunnies in cages on lawns around the house when Grandpa came back, despite the oldest ones according to plan having been picked off to go in a stew now and then.

There's also a related story. I had just gotten my driver's license and was out with a friend when I hit an ordinary forest rabbit with the car and killed it. We stopped to check, it was dead alright, but no outside blood, just totally smashed up internally. My friend said "I know what to do" and threw it in the trunk. Then we drove to HIS grandfather and grandmother, who took the rabbit and skinned it, gave us fifty kronor for the skin, and said we could come over for rabbit stew the next day if enough meat could be salvaged. They hadn't eaten that themselves since right after WW2 and seemed quite happy for the nostalgia. I was already booked that day with a girl I had my own rabbiting plans for (that failed miserably) so I missed the chance to eat some myself (any way you look at it) but that was the day I realized how common the practice of eating fluff bunnies must have been back then.

Phil Alexander - September 29, 2024 - Report this comment
I knew the MAGA crowd would be desperate to justify their cult leader's cupidity, anything to pretend that against all evidence he knew what he was talking about, but having watched those videos it is even more pellucidly clear that this isn't happening in Springfield. Vance knew he was lying, and Trump is too stupid to realise it's bollocks.

@Peter: rabbits have been food for far longer than they've been pets. We had a cat who used to bring in wild rabbits on a regular basis.. once dead, you have a limited time to deal with a rabbit as its gut bacteria keep on producing gas, and the results are amazingly gross: one pretty much exploded just outside the kitchen door. We did consider tanning the skins, but decided against :-)
Liberal Lexicon - September 29, 2024 - Report this comment
Against all evidence -- Backed up by video testimony of dozens of people in Springfield that has appeared on TwitterX
Phil Alexander - September 29, 2024 - Report this comment
@wow - what do you have against TCOP? Reminds me of so many others here making such evidence-free claims

@"Liberal Lexicon" - What evidence was there when Trump made the claims? None. His VP says it's not true. A bunch of people making stuff up to support Trump after he had made his nonsensical remarks does not mean he was right all along. Even if (and it's a big "if" because frankly I don't believe you/them) there are now people stating on TwiX that Haitian immigrants are eating pets, Trump did his rant when the only support for the lie was a photo of a non-Haitian not from Springfield at all, a retracted FB post from someone who was reporting hearsay, and a police report regarding someone whose cat was still in the basement. Trump has zero critical thinking skills, and is unable to determine whether something is true or false. You want someone that stupid in power?
Schrodinger's Peter - September 29, 2024 - Report this comment
I want to take credit for the phrase "A Schrodinger's Cat Nothingburger" being applied everywhere a story's debunked as dead but still lives on among those looking towards the box of its remains from beyond. :-) :-)
John Dacey - September 30, 2024 - Report this comment
Six hundred fifty 1s! (times three categories). Impressive stuff. I'm not familiar with the original song, but I'll give you a row of 5's based on a historical record for excellence.
Hey wow... - September 30, 2024 - Report this comment
The 80s just called. They want your cutting edge insult humor.

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