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Song Parodies -> "December Schlong"
Original Song Title:
"September Song"
Original Performer:
Lotte Lenya
Parody Song Title:
"December Schlong"
Parody Written by:
John A. Barry
The Lyrics
*Quite a while ago, I took on a challenge from Johnny D to do "Dismembered Schlong" for "September Song." But as I read the original lyrics, I started "getting Metaphysical." One of the 17th century Metaphysical poets, Andrew Marvell, wrote what might be the definitive "carpe diem" (seize the day) anthem: "To His Coy Mistress." ". . .But at my back I always hear/Time's wingèd chariot hurrying near. . ." So this ended up being kind of an academic exercise.
In our lit class we while
Away time—dismember
Words of the great works.
They teach: May-December
Relationships tether
Old guys with young dames
The former have no time
For the waiting game.
His spindle dwindles down
To a precious few
Times when his member
Rests rigid and stays straight.
Of these few pressup days,
He spends a few
These pressup days. . .
He spends a few.
She yearns to meet a young man—
You see, it's spring
She symbolizes. With time
On her hands; her hormone glands are bursting.
She wants the goods that can act like a spring.
Her December lover's, hibernating—
December, symbol for hardly a lay.
And in our lit class we file
Thoughts of December members,
Say "carpe diem" together—
Mistranslate as "squeeze the dame."
Got Metaphysicals* down.
It was Marvell who
Wrote about December's
Onslaught. What did he say?
Spend time to screw.
Make like it's May—
Spend time to screw.
Away time—dismember
Words of the great works.
They teach: May-December
Relationships tether
Old guys with young dames
The former have no time
For the waiting game.
His spindle dwindles down
To a precious few
Times when his member
Rests rigid and stays straight.
Of these few pressup days,
He spends a few
These pressup days. . .
He spends a few.
She yearns to meet a young man—
You see, it's spring
She symbolizes. With time
On her hands; her hormone glands are bursting.
She wants the goods that can act like a spring.
Her December lover's, hibernating—
December, symbol for hardly a lay.
And in our lit class we file
Thoughts of December members,
Say "carpe diem" together—
Mistranslate as "squeeze the dame."
Got Metaphysicals* down.
It was Marvell who
Wrote about December's
Onslaught. What did he say?
Spend time to screw.
Make like it's May—
Spend time to screw.
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Voting Breakdown
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| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 7 | 6 | 6 |
User Comments
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Clever and funny....
Love the juxtaposition of the poetic and literary grace and seriousness of the parody with its in-your-face-raunchily-goofy title "December Schlong" !
Thanks, Mr. and JD.
DKTOS, but liked it as a poem...
DKTOS either, but Johnny D took the words right out of my, ahem, fingers. 5's all round!
Excuse this stupid question, but what does DKTOS mean?
jiminy..how elegant...5s...nice job, john...DKTOS = don't know the original song
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