We don't tickle the Elmo, mo, mo, mo
We don't "Tickle Me" Elmo, but

It was late '96 (It was late '96)
We were Christmas shopping
And there wasn't a toy in the aisles (The toys were wiped from the aisles)
People rushed in to find plush toys that grinned (Elmo)
But they couldn't find one for miles (they searched and they punched and they kicked)
Whispers come. "There's just one left" (Why did he tell us?)
The clerk showed up and gave us heft (Of Elmo, weighs not like Jell-O)
Walking out, it feels like theft (Yay, we got a gift, but anyway)

We don't tickle the Elmo, mo, mo, mo
We don't do stuff with Elmo (Hey)

Soon on Christmas day, my kids wake, rushing down and up the stairs
I see toddler Sue look at the gifts. She frowns. What does she care?
She associates him with the sound of hemorrhage (Drip, drip, drip)
I unwrap her gift with a tift. She's nagging me
But she'll play with Elmo and her family, shagging me
Then when his eyes glowed red, I thought "it's a mirage"
Was it a mirage?
Seven feet tall, like an Actimate
When he wants us dead, he will never wait
Yeah, he wrecked the house and doused it with louse (No!)

We don't tickle the Elmo, mo, mo, mo (Oh, no)
We just scurry from Elmo (We all scuttle from Elmo)

He shrieks to come tickle him
Then, eight kids dead (Woah woah)
He found some cops pissing him
Then filled 'em with lead (Frick no)
He doesn't say "Here's Elmo" or something
Else. Look, he's decept' (Deceptive)
Your fate is sealed when you touch his fat head

Now the Elmos in everyone's house
They are eating some jugular veins
They rush out of their houses, of course,
They join forces, taking the reins (Frick, the Elmos are coming this way)
Tyco told me this fad was as safe
As the Rachel or trolls, they die in a few months
I wanna kill 'em now (Hey Mark)
The humans will reign sovereign (I'm going to kill 'em now)
I will kick 'em now

Hey Elmo
Hey, where are you, Elmo?
I think I'll stupidly tickle Elmo
Gimme your hormones in your hugs, Elmo
Mark, we're the last humans on Earth
Come on inside

It was late '96, we were Christmas shopping; It was late '96; Soon on Christmas day, my kids wake, rushing down and up the stairs, I see toddler Sue look at the gifts. She frowns. What does she care?; Seven feet tall, like an Actimate; (Now the Elmos in everyone's house)
And there wasn't a toy in the aisles; The toys were wiped from the aisles; She associates him with the sound of hemorrhage, drip, drip, drip; When he wants us dead, he will never wait; (They are eating the jugular veins)
People rushed in to find plush toys that grinned; Elmo; I unwrap her gift with a tift. She's nagging me. But she'll play with Elmo and her family, shagging me; Yeah, he wrecked the house and doused it with louse; (They rush out of their houses, of course)
But they couldn't find one for miles; They searched and they punched and they kicked; Then when his eyes glowed red, I thought "it's a mirage" Was it a mirage?; (They join forces, taking the reins. He gains)
Frick, now the Elmos are really close!
Whispers come. "There's just one left"; Why did he tell us?; Tyco told me this fad was as safe; He's seven feet tall, like an Actimate; (Now the Elmos in everyone's house)
The clerk showed up and gave us heft; Of Elmo, weighs not like Jell-O; As the Rachel or trolls, they die in a few months, a few months; When he wants us dead, he will never wait; (They are eating the jugular veins)
Walking out, it feels like theft; Yay, we got a gift, but anyway; We'll be fine, we'll be fine, we'll be fine, want more wine?; Yeah, he wrecked the house and doused it with louse; (Crush their spines, kill like swine, turpentine, won't decline)
They're here!

Don't tickle the Elmo (Sue, why'd you tickle the Elmo?)
Gonna rise against Elmo (We will sacrifice you to Elmo!)