"Chris’s Peter, Then Pine"


Well, there once was a young man, his name it was Chris,
his girl, Sadie, said “Honey, my mill needs some more grist.
I’m a hot little girl for whom bliss is to pull a train.
Oh, Lordy, gimme this meat again!”

But ‘twas too bad -- Chris’s peter was dyin’,
she had mmm, mmm, Chris’s peter, then pine.
(Peter, then pine.)

Well, he begged her to marry him and be his for life,
She said, “Get a strap-on to offset your dull knife.”
Thus legged as she needed, übernatural man
he seemed, so Lordy, well, she gave him her hand.

Because, when sad Chris’s peter was dyin’
she had mmm, mmm, Chris’s peter, then pine.
(Peter, then pine.)

Well, he tried to stay hard to please Sadie, his bride,
and to satisfy the strumpets that he screwed on the side .
When worn out with Sheila, then he cheated with Lynn,
and then, whoops! Oh Lordy, Sadie paid for his sin …

Because, poor lad, Chris’s peter was dyin’
she had mmm, mmm, Chris’s peter, then pine.
(Peter, then pine.)

Well, the fill-in-guy lumber Sadie trusted to score
when her hubby’s sore peter couldn’t rock her no more
was a Louisville Slugger signed by O’s number 8
who’d played twenty-six hundred and thirty-two straight.

So when sore-nads Chris’s peter was dyin’
she had mmm, mmm, Chris’s peter, then pine.
(Peter, then pine.)

Well, now that they’re old Sadie still can’t forgo
those seconds and Chris, he still never says “No.”
Heaven forbid Chris’s int’rest should wane
while, still unbored, she's saying do it again.

Sadie’d go mad with his need for her dyin’.
She would mmm, mmm miss his …peter … then … pine.