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Song Parodies -> "Putin on a Blitz, Revisited"

Original Song Title:

"Puttin' on the Ritz"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Irving Berlin

Parody Song Title:

"Putin on a Blitz, Revisited"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

It seems like a hell venue,
up and down parched avenues.
Acrid smoke perfumes the air;
Yanukovych zooms to there. . .

Where the old empire’s fallen,
Impaler Vlad’s callin’.
Looks like now’s the time
to ring re-Union chime. . .

’cause he’d been blue
since the big blow 'round ’92.
He's set to go in fascist fits—
Putin on a blitz.

Crimea has got his gray boats;
rigged elections is how they “vote.”
It’s the pits:
Putin on a blitz.

Sending in, his penchant, the storm troopers.
He’s an independence party-pooper—
super[power] nukester.

May not nix his rocket-shellers;
they are pricks, those shock-troop fellers. . .
won’t kibitz.
Putin on a blitz.

Nasty apparatchik, Stalin-mad, he
asks the ravished vanquished, “Who’s your daddy?
Da, me, Vladie!!”

Once they’re there, there is no stopping,
and their air power is whopping. . .
may make hits.
Putin on a blitz.

Ventriloquist behind yore’s Dimitri,
Vestless Kremlinist runs show completely—
Once KGB.

The West warns: “Don’t you get reckless!”
In Georgia, warnings were feckless. . .
hit with “nyet!”s.
Putin doffs; shows tits.

It looks like a Sudetenland re-do;
in Pariah Pantheon, Vlad’s “me too!”
Naught can we do.

The Bear versus neighbors, tanks roll;
I’d bear nervousness were I Pole—
because it’s
Putin on a blitz!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   7
 7
 7
 

User Comments

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Leough - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
555 - Now do Crimea River
Dave W. - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Nice place to visit but not for those who live there , I take it....5's......@ Leough lol
Rob Arndt - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Well written JAB... but not exactly accurate in the comparisons nor history. A Blitz is lighting warfare, a combined arms offensive, yet there is no war... yet. Russian troops have been sent to Crimea to secure the naval base at Sevastopol and also strategic airfields. They were sent upon request of the ethnic Russian majority in Crimea and E Ukraine. Both the ethnic Russians and Putin view the ouster of Viktor Yanukovych as a coup orchestrated by the West b/c he was elected legitimately and thrown-out by a mob over the battle between choosing to lean pro-West or pro-Russia. Putin may be forceful, but he is hardly comparable to Rumania's historic Vlad the Impaler; in fact, Putin falls short of the Tsars and Stalin. He was the one that stepped up over Syria's use of Sarin when Obama defaulted on his redline promise of military action. Putin is involved with Iran stopping its nuclear bomb program and Putin is concerned with Chinese military build-ups just as the US/West is. People may dislike him for his bravado, but at heart he is a patriot for the Motherland. The Ukraine OTOH is destabilized and has a weak interim government ruling over a sharply divided nation. It is in the Russian sphere of influence and has ties to Russia, both historical and economical. It's their problem. Many in West Ukraine ALSO support Putin and so clashes are starting there. And the senior naval commander in Crimea just defected to Russia. Crimeans overwhelmingly support Russian troops and there is no declaration of war nor land invasion. All 6000 troops sent are for reinforcement and pre-positioning IF a war is declared. So far, no bloodshed or confrontations. Comparisons to Nazi Germany are also unfounded. Weimar Govt. was weak and called for Western help and got nothing. It was the SA that fought the Communists in the streets. The invasion of Poland was for the Danzig Corridor and to create a build-up area to invade the USSR by '41. Not the same thing with Ukraine and Russia. 555 for the parody.
John Barry - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
All very informative--as always, I'm in awe of your ability to incorporate your encyclopedic historical knowledge into your prodigious output--but parody ain't history. Besides, "blitz," for example, has taken on numerous other connotations. . .football, for example. More elementally important: it rhymes with "Ritz." Parody is burlesque; I'll let masters of the form, The Three Stooges, speak for me--from "You Nazty Spy!: "Moe: "We'll start a 'Blintzkrieg' (Blitzkrieg)". Curly: "I just love blintzes especially with sour krieg."
Patrick - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Obama can not have been comfortable with the example of the Ukrainians, who took to the streets to oust an unpopular president whose primary loyalties are to a foreign state and ideology. Venezuela must be making him nervous, too.
Rob Arndt - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
JAB, I'm sorry if I sometimes take things too seriously. You're right, parodies are free to use anything they want and to bend and twist them to suit another purpose. I should know, I do it all the time!!! Anyway, glad to see you back with such an eclectic collection of lyrical surprises!!! You NEVER cease to amaze me JAB and you're still my hero. Security code is 5AU= 5 GOLD or 5 ASTRONOMICAL UNITS!!!
Rob Arndt - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
1 AU= distance from Earth to Sun= 92,995,887 miles! ISTR that in Star Trek TMP that V'GER had a shield cloud of 82 AU that was reduced by Dir. Wise to 2 AU in his director's cut. Not a big ST fan but I think in the ST Encyclopedia that reference is made that V'GER originally made the Borg...!?! Any ST "Trekkers" here able to confirm this?
Callmelennie - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Not bad, JB. Now try "Don't Stop to You Get Kharkov", or "Putin's Got a Brand New Kiev"; "Back to Ukraine SSR", or "My Cold War's Back"; or "EU Can't Touch This". And if all else fails .. "Putin Was a-Rolling Tanks"
John Barry - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
No prob, Rob. Sorry if I sounded strident. And I really appreciate your appreciation.
Rob Arndt - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
NP JAB... am burned out on AiR, just doing 7-8 a wk now, way down from 25. You would think that with a potential civil war and regional war with Russia that I would be cranking out lots of these parodies, but all I've done is 4 total now. When they start showing Su-32s in the air surrounded by Su-27s and MiG-35s and masses of T-70 through T-90 tanks rolling into E Ukraine with BTRs following and Mil gunships overhead, then I might resume. In this case, I just believe that Russia has to protect its strategic bases and interests. Simple logic says that you can't have a pro-west/pro-east divided nation that has a weak interim government and is bankrupt next door. All the West is gonna do is throw money at them to lure them back towards the EU and NATO which would border Russia. You have to consider the Russian POV- they don't want that and what of the rights of the ethnic Russians in Ukraine that want protection from or annexation with Russia? Who speaks for them? So far, no invasion has happened and no military violence. Ultimately, Ukraine and Russia must work it out. If Ukraine simply agreed to Russian security for their naval base and strategic assets and the rights of the ethnic Russians, things might return to normal. But starting a new Govt. and then banning the Russian language immediately in W Ukraine and refusing to deal with Moscow was a huge mistake. Why is it that the US accepts China's stand on N Korea- not wanting the nation unified and turned pro-west... but pressures Putin to make concessions? Double standard. And Obama lost all military credibility over his Redline on use of nerve gas in Syria... so that tiny Israel has to keep making airstrikes against shipments of advanced missiles into Lebanon that can be trucked over to Syria! And on top of that Obama makes threats while simultaneously reducing the US Armed Forced to pre-WW2 levels and relies on drones as substitutes for 4-5th Gen manned fighters (F-22 is halted while F-35 is bug-ridden, non-operational). The West not only appears weak, but has become weak.
John Barry - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
I was just looking at your counts, Rob: averaging more than 700 a year, and nearly each one chock-full of information. To be able to convey all this knowledge via this form is just phenomenal. I had energy and enthusiasm in the early days, but now I'll just do an occasional batch. Keep it up, man.
Rob Arndt - March 04, 2014 - Report this comment
JAB, thanks but I have no more goals here. Sure, I can pass up Malcolm in time and become #2 Top Parodist, but I am less productive now. On a NG or forum where the topic is military, I can post over 20,000 easily and take on entire groups, especially if unmoderated. But this is totally different. My topics are diversified but I fall back on war and weaponry to keep the numbers up. Tomorrows topic is another bizarre one, so no war. Weird. Btw, in my last comment made a slight mistake with a tank- should read masses of T-72 through T-90 tanks (not T-70). Slight designation error. Ukraine uses the T-84 which is a version of the T-80 modified to Ukraine standards. If a real war starts, then I will probably go back to weapons- Russian weapons. Not a favorite topic due to being German but they had the best armor after Germany in WW2. Was actually surprised that they had a Black Eagle project for a tank with a 152mm main gun, active armor, anti-helo and AA missiles carried externally, dazzlers, and IR scrambler with a more powerful engine and new combinations of armor with a laminate and composite mix. Gun still had an autoloader and could fire missiles out the tube. Quite a beast, was redesignated and is still on the back burner for now. Russians are really good at all missile systems, armor, attack helos, and conventional aircraft (although the MiG-39 is a failure and the Su-47 hasn't been accepted for the VVS). Russian small arms are also rugged and reliable. They have a new assault rifle, the Nikonov An-94 and experimental AKX. GSh-18 is an excellent pistol for SFs. I don't know what Obama is thinking militarily for consequences- no way the US can use anything in inventory to challenge them on land, in the air, or on the sea. F-15s, 16s, and 18s would meet Su-27s, MiG-29s, MiG-35s, various MANPADS, heavy AAA, and SPAAGs. Bombers would meet MiG-31s. Tanks and armor would be hit by Su-25s and Mil and Kamov AT helos, troops by Su-32 tactical bombers and large targets with the Tu-160 Blackjacks. Missiles would be flying everywhere. Even the B-2 can be spotted by new EO missiles guided by Anti-stealth radars. And the Russians can roll in S-300 and S-400s easily. Anyway, you get the picture :)

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