Seen signs of an alien? My dude
Just stop, buddy, 'cause it's not true
You're wrong, buddy, you don't have proof
Just go stick your head inside a tube

Consider ev'ry other reason
Wheat, wheat trails appear, it should be simpler
Consider all the other reasons
Wheat, wheat trails appear, it should be

You try to convince me that it's true
There's signs of an alien crew
Wheat trails been freakin' you out
Can't make you clam up about
Each time that you see it in the news
Know I will get no break from you
Wheat trails been freakin' you out
Just wanna smack you right now

I know that you're hooked on conspiracies
At least not that shit spread about 5G
But you really need self-reflection
Relax and take a look back at all your screeds
'Cause they seem to lack a crucial bit:
Why the aliens are doin' this
You'd say that's the next step, but no
It's just proof that you're a numbnut

"These signs made by aliens, it's true!"
Will I ever get somethin' new?
Wheat trails been freakin' you out
Can't calm your panickin' down

They're not fried or cut, you see
No, the corn is just a bit crushed
You can do that with a board
Just a plank of wood, I can show you
Go 'head, ask me "How'd you know?"
Let's say I know my booze
My days in college sure weren't dry
Made corn dongs seen from way up high

"These lines are too perfect, thus it's true!"
Such lines make me wanna punch you
Wheat trails been freakin' you out
Forgot that plannin' works now
Day, night, always get the same from you
"There's signs of real aliens, dude!"
Wheat trails been freakin' you out
Each day, I'm snappier now

Out of all the things to cover up
This one, I just plain don't get the goal
Don't let "aliens" out of the bag
What's accomplished by doin' that?
Each time that you call me up on Zoom
You find more frat pranks, that's the truth
Wheat trails been freakin' you out
Wheat trails been freakin' you out

Look, my patience has gone down the tubes
Can't find any evidence, dude
Wheat trails been freakin' you out
Just douchebag antics, no doubt
Go find some real cover-up, my dude
Though I'll still be ignorin' you
Wheat trails been freakin' you out?
That's just pathetic and how

Consider all the simple reasons
Wheat, wheat trails appear, no diggin' deeper
Consider sensible-ass reasons
Wheat, wheat trails appear, you dead horse beater