The Beauty Therapist’s Song

1. I am the very model of a modern hair and beauty guy,
I know so many secret ways to decorate and beautify,
I’ve mastered every hairstyle, quiffs and ringlets I can do so well,
With razors, scissors, GHDs and combs made out of tortoiseshell,
I love to do extensions, adding highlights to your tasty swirls,
From bunches through to bashful bobs, from pigtails down to party curls,
If you have flunked shampoo, your bangs in curls and now your lashes whirls
I'll treat you in my salon with my talented and arty girls,

He'll treat you in his salon with his talented and arty girls……
He'll treat you in his salon with his talented and arty girls……
He'll treat you in his salon with his talented and arty farty girls……

I love the range of colour dyes, I know the best conditioning
I fasten hair with bobby pins and ribbons for positioning,
In very many secret ways to decorate and beautify
I am the very model of a modern hair and beauty guy. (repeat)

2. I offer special therapy in ultra necessarium,
With tanning creams and bronzers, or a spell in the solarium,
I’ll show you how to detox if your body needs a holiday,
A day or two spent in the spa will chase those biker* blues away.
Now you can wear a mud pack, have a footbath or a pedicure
Or let me wax your body, have a massage or a manicure,
You need a bit of pampering today if only to survive,
Because you’re in a beauty contest every day that you’re alive,

Because you’re in a beauty contest every day that you’re alive,
Because you’re in a beauty contest every day that you’re alive,
Because you’re in a beauty contest every single day that you’re alive,

And if you feel inadequate, enhancement of your finest parts
With cellulite or liposuction is the finest of our arts
In very many secret ways to decorate and beautify
I am the very model of a modern hair and beauty guy. (repeat)

3. I love to play with make-up when I’m feeling more theatrical,
I start with firm foundation which is eminently practical,
Then rouge or some mascara, deep eye-shadow if I really must,
Then put on long eye lashes and just sprinkle on some dazzle dust,
I know what shades of lipstick leave a mark to suit your kissing style,
To sit and paint my fingernails all day will make me really smile,
My products are all natural, which do not cost the earth so dear,
Although I worship L’Oreal, that’s just because I’m worth it, dear!

Although he worships L’Oreal, that’s just because he’s worth it, dear!
Although he worships L’Oreal, that’s just because he’s worth it, dear!
Although he worships L’Oreal, that’s just because he’s worth it, (worth it) dear!

I don’t forget to moisturise my skin so it is soft and fair,
I’m working in my salon on a product to restore my hair,
In very many secret ways to decorate and beautify
I am the very model of a modern hair and beauty guy. (repeat)