MASTERMIND:
I'm Mensa's major mastermind, astounding is my cranium,
A billion neurons strong, I wrote this song while hardly straining 'em
Endowed of limbic bulk, a mental 'Hulk,' my brain's spectacular
I've learned, by heart, each gyral part in Latin's 'pig' vernacular.
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters pedagogical,
I understand the Vulcan plan; 'twas me that made Spock logic-full,
About Ginko Biloba, I am fretting over recent news,
For many fearful facts forewarn of male 'E.D.' from past abuse!

ALL:
FOR YEARS HE'S TRIPLE-SPIKED HIS DRINKS WITH GINKO BOOSTS AT JAMBA JUICE!
FOR YEARS HE'S TRIPLE-SPIKED HIS DRINKS WITH GINKO BOOSTS AT JAMBA JUICE!
FOR YEARS HE'S TRIPLE-SPIKED HIS DRINKS WITH GINKO BOOSTS AT JAMBA JUICE!

MASTERMIND:
As you can tell, my head is swell! Not merely bright, I'm Super Spock
And before me, the bourgeoisie thought "master race" was poppycock
In short, I am a paragon of erudite and brainy men,
And Mensa's Major Mastermind with IQ that's amazing 'em!

ALL:
IN SHORT, IN MATTERS LOGICAL AND MARVELOUSLY MENTAL MEN,
HE'S MENSA'S MAJOR MASTERMIND WITH IQ THAT'S AMAZING 'EM!

MASTERMIND:
On late night shows I strut my prose but on Jay Leno's did succumb
To pun with zest and high-brow jest of "crotchless quarks"; THAT struck him dumb!
With no pretense, my brain's immense; I'm thinking' WAY outside the box
When I proposed that M.J.'s nose was Elvis cloned that's why he rocks!

See Einstein's flaws, and loser 'laws' exposed in my play, "Em Cee Erred"
That patent clerk just goes berserk when I show him it's 'M' that's squared
Detractors claim my awesome brain is mordant, mongrel and perverse;
To this I turn my 'other' cheeks and loft aroma-thera-curse

ALL:
HE TURNS ABAFT HIS 'OTHER' CHEEKS AND FLOATS ANOTHER STINKY VERSE
HE TURNS ABAFT HIS 'OTHER' CHEEKS AND FLOATS ANOTHER STINKY VERSE
HE TURNS ABAFT HIS 'OTHER' CHEEKS AND FLOATS ANOTHER STINKY VERSE

MASTERMIND:
Chernobyl's glow, I saw front row, the rads enhanced my fetal mind
High SAT's by age of three ensure I'll reign o'er all mankind
In short, I am that paragon of erudite and brainy men,
And Mensa's Major Mastermind with IQ that's amazing 'em!

ALL:
IN SHORT, IN MATTERS LOGICAL AND MARVELOUSLY MENTAL MEN,
HE'S MENSA'S MAJOR MASTERMIND WITH IQ THAT'S AMAZING 'EM!

MASTERMIND:
My rise to Mensa Maven-hood could not be called a bloodless coup;
I've had to kill Steve Hawking, Greenspan and Trebek to name a few;
In fact, the bones of brainy boys are strewn across the USA,
I hunt the summa cumers down; they're girly men and easy prey.

So now I'm firmly perched upon the acme of my apogee,
No nerds around, they're in the ground; Most fun?--my 'Bill Gates-ectomy'!
Those genii that were alive thought they were smart; Oh wry cliché!
Ironic, too, 'twas my I.Q. that killed off Stanford & Binet!

ALL:
IRONIC, TOO, "TWAS HIS I.Q .THAT KILLED OFF STANFORD & BINET!
IRONIC, TOO, "TWAS HIS I.Q. THAT KILLED OFF STANFORD & BINET!
IRONIC, TOO, "TWAS HIS I.Q. THAT KILLED OFF STANFORD & BINET!

MASTERMIND:
So now my wondrous life you've heard, of lethal braniacs, egads!
My only real failing is I still can't kill those pop-up ads!
Yet I remain the paragon of erudite and brainy men,
And Mensa's Major Mastermind with IQ that's amazing 'em!

ALL:
BUT STILL, IN MATTERS LOGICAL AND MARVELOUSLY MENTAL MEN,
HE'S MENSA'S MAJOR MASTERMIND WHO'S IQ KEEPS AMAZING 'EM!