Dread guy’s name is Vlad; some curse and squirm:
voting’s a ploy; he’s got an endless term.
He creamed the Georgians then he swept up more—
went and polished off Crimea. . .let his big guns roar.
He polished off the lands; chilled ’em, so quickly
that he wanted to rule Ukraine. . .use his navy.
He abolished these lands; nulled ’em rapidly.
Now he would like to rule as in’73.

Can’t take the boy out of where he starts;
in the KGB is where he got his smarts.
He learned how to take an iron hand,
which he brought down real hard on the Pussy Riot band.
And even though not a direct assassin, he
has got plenty of goons, so he can be choosy.
So his M.O. is: indirect assassin be;
his goons know how to use Kalashnikov, Uzi.

Mammoth man tits shown; man has no shame,
a mammalian ruler of no-shirt fame.
Though sometimes he will don a business suit,
he would much rather show chest buttes for a photo shoot—
that is, when he is not shooting around the Black Sea.
He has got many goons going a whack spree.
And some people will rule his pix are Commie T
sans A, but they make drool all late-night comedy.

“F**k legal causes, I use an iron grip,”
you can imagine rolling off his lip.
On criticism he is not keen:
those who have loose lips might never more be seen.
With those kinds of quips, best not be free
or inside of a Gulag is where you might be.
In Russia, no sense of irony:
the rag “Pravda” means “truth”—hellish hilarity.

The few grow rich if they’ve a bent
to fill pockets in a crime establishment.
Just vote whatever the Party calls
and you’ll hang Picassos and van Gogh’s upon your walls.
Yes, it’s richly rewarded you will be
if you follow the ruler unquestioningly.
Yes, it’s richly rewarded you will be. . .
wait a minute—that rule goes in any country!

When land-grab calls, his goons dress in civvies,
but we’re wise: they’re mercenaries in mufti.
To this troll, their allegiance collectively pooled;
the ancien régime has his energies fueled.
If you vote that messed up is kleptocracy,
this place of one-man rule’s is where it’s not to be.
If your longing talk yearns for autocracy,
this place of one bad ghoul is where you ought to be.