That Klink Is Such An Idiot, He Thinks He Can Be General

General Burkhalter:
That Klink is such an idiot, he thinks he can be general
In fact he’s so incompetent, he’s dumb as a Pamplona bull.
If he was one, he’d gore himself and end up in the hospital;
I can’t believe that anyone would make him more than corporal.

He loves to prattle on about his Stalag inescapable,
But I don’t think his prisoners of war find it remarkable.
His Stalag Thirteen’s filled with every type of shenanigan;
Yes, tanks and planes will disappear and suddenly they’re back again!

Chrous:
Yes, many things unusual have plagued Klink’s stalag since day one.
Like very loyal German men will suddenly find treason fun.
And many other oddities surround American Robert Hogan.

Burkhalter:
I still recall the shame we felt at losing in the First World War.
We trained to be unstoppable, like Russian dude in Rocky Four.
But camp 13 has only one true asset militarial,
I do believe that Sergeant Schultz could eat like locusts Biblical.

Chorus:
Yes, Schultz could really eat like a big plague of locusts Biblical,
But we can’t find a single way to make poor Klink a general.

Burkhalter:
As if Klink’s inability is not a headache big enough
That Colonel Hogan seems to think he runs the camp, for Klink’s not tough.
Klink spine’s like a dead jellyfish and Major Hochstetter’s no good,
screams “What is this man doing here?” but “ring of steel”’s mere balsas wood.

There was the time our Luftwaffe found ev’rything was going wrong,
And Hogan got Klink playing the United States Air Corps fight song.
He’s also made Klink think a prisoner a dance instructor great,
As well as a top scientist, what’s next a world class heavyweight?

Chorus:
LeBeau, so small, would be quite odd as a great world class heavyweight,
But leave it to that Hogan he has strategies that are top rate,
He fights the war from in that camp and many times has sealed the Germans’ fate.

Burkhalter:
There was the time he made them think Klink had to guard our leader’s life,
He’s had us think that Churchill called, and that there was an end to strife
But World War Two did not end they were simply really gullible,
Just like when Klink was made the chief of staff how fully laughable,

Chorus:
Yes, Hogan has made others think of things that are quite laughable,
But, we’d believe one of their guard dogs over Klink as general.

Burkhalter:
That Hogan’s interfered with things as far aaway as Paris, too,
That man can get anything out, while here things come out of the blue.
He made us think we had to trade one of their spies we’d caught for Klink.
Claimed Klink was Nimrod, British spy, I felt uneasy at the link.

Though sometimes Hogan’s plans they really border on insanity,
I try to steer things to that place despite Klink’s inability,
Until their liberation by a really big tank Sherman-y,
We’ll work to someday celebrate, have freedom throughout Germany.

Chorus:
Yes, one day we can celebrate, have freedom throughout Germany,
We have the right men on our side, and somehow run in harmony,
Some may pretend to favor evil but to it will never bow the knee.

Burkhalter:
Oh yes, I try my best to cause the Germans’ side futility.
I cannot wait to see Hogan’s look of sheer incredulity.
He knew Klink’s foolishness was a true asset militarial
But wait till he learns he got help from a fat German general.

Chorus:
No, we don’t mind if Klink at times has IQ of a mineral,
For one of our top agents is a big fat German general.