Dems, the benighted, steal away my sleep:
Dems, commie Dems, my right-wing heart besiege:
Dems, conspiring, would make the Founders weep,
And in my dreams Barack is my dread lord liege!

When you’ve drunk all the booze and you just start to snooze,
And you’re rueful the Right’s not electable,
It’s no wonder you dream that they’ve gone off the beam,
You remember when they were respectable;
Now your brain is a wreck, you’ve watched Fox News’ dreck,
And Roger Ailes is your new incubus:
First you curse FDR for outlawing NASCAR
And enacting all laws that are pink to us;
Then you fear the Sharia, you pray to Maria
To spare you a public beheading,
You’re in pain with the runs ‘cause they’ll confiscate guns
And you’re quickly befouling the bedding.

Then the Welfare Queen’s scams and Ann Coulter’s long gams
Become intertwined in a tight knot;
Helicopters are back and those choppers are black
And Barack might be native or might not!
What’s preached in your church and the words of John Birch
Are what’s keeping your dreams not quite balmy,
Also, love of the DOMA, and Reagan’s coma,
And McCarthy and Cohn v. the Army.
Your daughter’s a lez; your son wears a fez,
Comes out, then he says he’s a Log Cabin homo.
Do the faces in town seem increasingly brown?
Are the men on the Left all named Shlomo?
Through history’s annals, you’ve read of death panels
But they never applied to your old folk:
Each a true patriot who had earned what he got –
Now the government tells them to go croak.

That sticks in your gizzard, your nightmare’s a blizzard
Of Koresh and G. Gordon Liddy:
If you ain’t a pisher, you’ll join a militia;
(You’re now into REM sleep; you’re giddy)
Well, your hair becomes curled when you dream of One-World
And having your sovereignty stolen,
But it’s great in the South, crackers say, “Shut mah mouth,
Show a picture I.D. if you’re pollin’!”

You dream, case by case, that by God, you’ll erase
Roe v. Wade, which the lib’rals call “seminal”;
When your argument’s weighed, any gal who’s mislaid
Will lose ill-begot rights that are feminal.
And from your dream hence, winds a gigantic fence
So that wetbacks are left on the other side;
But the ones who are here will have nothing to fear:
They will live in a room where ten brothers hide.
Busting unions is grand, everyone reads Ayn Rand,
The Greenhouse Effect you’re repealing;
(The nightmare got happy; your dream should be crappy,
From now on, there’s nothing appealing.)

Obama’s from Kenya, his mom’s Lotte Lenya,
His uncle’s a green thing from Krypton;
Joe Biden has vigger, serves some shiftless mm-mm,
And they’ll purloin the Tea Party’s Lipton.
No more of shale cracking, and oil will be lacking,
Plutocratic Koch brothers will be dismayed;
We’ll collect all our stool for alternative fuel,
And the Koch boys will switch to the fecal trade;
They’ll impeach Scalia, and oh Mama Mia
They’ll sack the Right side of the infield;
When Barack appoints and the Senate anoints,
The far-right will convene a no-win field.

Constitution’s a wreck, and you say, “What the heck!
It’s a shame I pay tax, our defenses are lax,
And bring back McKinley to govern us thinly,
Or give me Dick Nixon; his daughters were vixen,
And I’ll take Jerry Ford, or that W fraud,
I’ll accept Dr. Seuss, resurrect Mother Goose,
And when all’s said and done, the ruling class won,
And I’m not in the least bit offended.”

So the ev’ning is gone
And the sun’s coming on;
But I had enough time
To complete this damn rhyme,
And I thank you for looking it over!