I used to drink alone, until I had to get a loan to drink
It made him feel like I had class to listen to the glasses clink
I owned an eight room house, in every room I built a bar and sink
Of evolutionary drunks, I guess I was the missing link

I started out with beer and soon I graduated to dry gin
I tried a sip of this, and then I tried a sip of that again
I just kept pourin' more and more and failed to see the war begin
The battle with the bottle that I never was about to win

(The battle with the bottle that he never was about to win)
(Although he took good aim with all the shots he used to shooter in)
(The only thing he wiped out was himself from ooze of booze within..his skin)

I guess I had it bad, the local AA even turned me down
With all the fumes they said it wasn't safe to smoke with me around
I moved out to Milwaukee and became more famous than the town
I bought myself a brew'ry and I drank so much, I damned near drowned

(He moved out to Milwaukee and became more famous than the town)
(He bought himself a brew'ry and he drank so much, he damned near drowned)

Went busted, started bummin'..beggin' money on the street for ale
I wouldn't work, and like a jerk, I jumped on that purse snatchin' trail
Cops caught me lootin' garbage, suckin' beer out of the empties, stale
But, then they let me go because they said I wasn't fit for jail

One day while I was dyin' for a drink, a drop, or just a smell
I had a nightmare vision and I stood outside the gates of hell
Beside me there was Old Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Adolph Coors, as well
A smirk was on their faces and I thought they all had been my pal

(Yes, standing there was Old Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Adolph Coors, as well)
(A smirk was on their faces and he thought they all had been his pal)
(A smirk was on their faces and he thought they all had been his pal..oh, well)

The flames shot up around me, and the devil said, "Now, it's your turn.."
He poked me with a pitchfork and he said, "Well, maybe now you'll learn !"
My body was pure alcohol, and Man, you should've seen me burn
They gathered up my ashes and they put 'em in a six pack urn

(His body was pure alcohol, and Man, you should've seen him burn)
(They gathered up his ashes and they put' em in six pack urn)

I woke up from this dreadful dream and fin'lly saw the light of day
Deserted to the desert where the closet bar is miles away
The sand is my religion, every night, me and the cactus pray
Already it's the first of June, and I ain't touched a drink since May

I learned from old Ewell Gibbons, and I dabbled into nature's kind
Exper'mented with Yucca plants and came up with a tasty wine
I live on snakes and lizards and my walkman plays, "Sweet Adeline"
The world might call me crazy, but I'm feelin' very sane and fine

(He lives on snakes and lizards and his walkman plays "Sweet Adeline")
(The world might call him crazy, but he's feelin' very sane and fine)
(The world might call him crazy, but he's feelin' very sane and fine, real fine)

I studied on my problem and believe, at last, I found the kink
I'm guzzl'in booze from plastic now, so I won't have to hear a clink
The moral of my story is, when your whole life is on the brink
Find a way to drink alone and will not need a loan to drink..

(The moral of his story is, when your whole life is on the brink
(Find a way to drink alone, and never need a loan to drink...