I've made an Airfix model of a Supermarine Harrier
It sits upon the deck of one enormous model carrier
Another one is on the run-way - if you think that weasel-ly
It's a model: VTOL in plastic don't come easily
Not quite so big, a model frig-ate anchored by the cupboard door
Forget the clothes inside of those 'cause they don't open any more
Got a destroyer, quite a toy, although it isn't drastic fun:
And when I try "Minesweeper" I prefer to use a plastic one

Tutti:
Oh, yes, when he will play mineswee-per he will use a plastic one
It brings him glee, playing mineswee-per with a real plastic one
Euph'misticly he'll play "mineswee-per" with his little plastic one


So much to make, can't take a break, you may have seen the last of me
My birthday treat was a whole fleet - more plastic than the cast of Glee
There's little bits of airfix kits scattered around the whole damn place
I should have said that my whole bedroom models Plymouth Naval Base

Tutti:
Don't step on bits of airfix kits as you go walking round his place
Security is tight, you see, in model Plymouth Naval Base



I haven't seen my submarine in weeks - it must be underway
Has left the shore, across the floor twixt carpet and the underlay
The cute machine can go unseen, its movements leave me unawares
Oh, what a dope! The periscope is on the landing by the stairs
My battleship is on a trip to Bathroom via Eiderdown
Its guns are trained upon the plains of Bedspread and all wider round
And my Corvette (that isn't red) is battling HMS Hood
I tried to float torpedo boats in bathwater, they sank.. not good

Tutti:
He tried to float torpedo boats in bathwater - it wasn't good
We shouldn't gloat - torpedo boats in bathwater is never good
We shouldn't gloat - they didn't float in bathwater.. as if they could


My girlfriend, nay - my fiancée - came over for a swift embrace
I show where I spend all my time affixing plastic bits in place
I take my sweetie through my fleet, I know that I must carry her
So she don't slip upon a ship or trip over my Harrier

Tutti:
He'll lift his girl VTOL and then he'll try to carry her
And if he fails he may impale his girlfriend on his harrier


Alas! I caught my foot on what I thought should have been empty space
I clipped a ship and tripped, then slipped and fell on models every place
I got a bruise from where my cruiser hit me on my upper thigh
And start to bleed as my torpedo boat shot me right in the eye
My rear end fat'll flatten battleships I end up end-up on
Minesweeper, floor.. well, no high score and that you can depend upon
My battle fleet once sweet a feat of construction, now more a-bashed
Alas, no ardour: more Pearl Harbour.. Tora! Tora! Tora! crash!

Tutti:
Oh, no, no ardour, more Pearl Harbour Tora! Tora! Tora! crash!
That's right, it seems an Iwo Jima Tora! Tora! Tora! crash!
No chance of ardour as Pearl Harbour Tora! Tora! Tora! crash!


I'm sad to say my fiancée fell on my aircraft carrier
A bad mistake, I guess she'll ache from my attempt to carry her
A wee small voice says I've no choice: I'll damn well have to marry her
As I with tact try to extract my little model Harrier

Tutti:
We'll sing with voice: he's got no choice, he'll damn well have to marry her
We think he's cracked trying to extract his little model Harrier