I'm flying to America, then coming home again
They've got a little list, they've got a little list
Of items they no longer let me take on board a plane
In case I'm terrorist, they've given me a list:

There's lipstick, jam and toothpaste
That essential bomber's kit
And super-glue and Sudocrem
And water, just a bit
Any stuff that shows up on the X-Ray as too dense
Some plonker's smelly aftershave - I guess that that makes sense
He says he'd rather keep it, but there's guys with guns insist:
They've got it on the list, they've got it on the list

Chorus:
They've got it on the list,
Yes they've got it on the list
And they really must insist,
In case you're terrorist


I can't take on my vodka, whine, or whisky or my rum
And so I can't get pissed - they've got it on the list
I guess I'll have to finish all my booze before I come
Eggshacktly what I wished, shave purrem on the lisht

They're recoiling in terror at my tub of vaseline
(I wonder if they're frightened that it's nitroglycerine?)
Little nail-clippers and, hell, any size of knife
And AK47s (not to mention 45s)
And anything that's got a blade - I think you get the gist
They've got it on the list, they've got it on the list

Chorus:
They've got it on the list,
Yes they've got it on the list
And we're sure you get the gist,
We're sure you won't get pissed



Terrorists have C5 hid in lots of cunning ways
They're all upon the list, they're somewhere on the list
TNT and MDF and other TLAs
I'm sure they all exist - that's why they're on the list

I think it's kind of lucky that they haven't had the chance
To figure how to get explosives into breast implants
Or injections of plastique to expand your ding-a-ling
A "suspect package" then becomes a very different thing
You'd really have to worry 'bout a quick one off the wrist
That would be on the list - it sure would be on the list

Chorus:
So don't have one off the wrist,
That would be a nasty twist
For they'd put you on the list
They'd put you on the list