I want a real aluminum pole for Festivus
Only a real aluminum pole will do
The strength-to-weight ratio is a point I'm not redacting
And I never decorate it because tinsel is distracting

I wanna air my grievances on Festivus
I've got a lot of problems with all of you
My son George, he disappoints me a lot
And as for you over there...um, I lost my train of thought (but)

I can see you now on Festivus morning creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise when you open up your eyes
To see Frank Costanza standing there (saying)

I wanna perform a feat of strength on Festivus
I'm ready for a wrestling match or two
There's no big jolly elf coming down the chimney
Instead we're gonna see if anybody here can pin me
And Festivus isn't over 'til you do!

There's no trees or wreaths, or ornaments that are spherical
They ended the strike at the bagel place...another Festivus miracle!

Festivus is your heritage, son, even if you hate it
And now let me explain the reason I had to create it

There was one last doll on a shelf and someone else grabbed it one day
As I beat him for that prize, it was then I realized
That there just had to be another way

I want my very own holiday called Festivus
Only my Festivus holiday will do
Other holidays can take their toll on the best of us
That's why I created a Festivus for the rest of us
So Happy Festivus to all of you!