And now, the end is here;
I cut it fine, that's how I reckoned
The way to win is clear:
I placed my bid in the last second

I'm now proud owner of
A fur-lined cover for my bidet
There's more, much more than this
I've bought on eBay

I know, I should desist
But I can't help buying these trinkets
Oh, no, could not resist
Those self-pier-cing, nipple-ring kits

A life-size Shire horse
A 1920's Tetley tea-tray
More offcuts from a briss
I bought on eBay

Yes, there were things I bought for you
That postcard set from Timbuctoo
The lovely stuffed and mounted trout
You simply shrieked and threw it out
But can't you tell that you could sell
Sell it on eBay

I bought a motorbike
With kit for you to ride on pillion
I've bought whate'er I like
My feedback count has topped a million

And when the 'net is down
You'll hear words like eff you see kay...
I'm hooked, it's like a drug:
I need my eBay

For when it's down, I'm up a gum tree
PayPal must think I'm a small country
But what I bought were truly steals
Those gel-ly pens, those jellied eels
If it's got wheels, or fur or heels
Bought it on eeeeeee-Baaaay