Did Your Bowels Move, Today
Was your BM okay
Nice and natural, or slow at the start..

Did it pass without pain
If real hard with a strain,
We must write "enema" on your chart

Was it stringy and soupy,
Expelled with much air..
When you looked at your poopy
Any corn kernels there..

Was it easy to wipe
Or that gross sticky type
Tell me Sir, Did Your Bowels Move, Today

SPOKEN:
Please tell me if Your Bowels Moved, Today
You know, us nurses have a dirty job
Like asking about your poo
But, we're under orders to be up close and personal
These facts we need to know, as nasty as they seem
We're not just making this stuff up,
Though at times it could sound extreme
Or even strange, but, we're not deranged..
We do what we have to do
Some of the patients lie about their regularity
Say they pooped, and then just pee it
If that's what we suspect the case may be
We will ask to go and see it..
So, when your ass is bare
Just stay seated there
Till that big mess is unbound
'Cause right outside the door we might be
Listening for a splashing sound..

Was it easy to wipe,
Or that gross sticky type,
Tell me Sir, Did Your Bowels Move, Today...

PATIENT: "No, they're still in the same place.."