this is a masterpiece....i literally laughed out loud...5s plus

Yikes! ;-)

Kristof, from what I read & heard this is a 24-hour a day condition at the local ER hospital, ML King, over in South L.A....maybe the outside management team they brought in has improved it...haven't read anything on it lately...or maybe that's because I cancelled my subscription to the L.A. Times 3 months ago...but that's an excremental journey of a different odor...5's ~ ~ ~

You beat me to it, Kristof. I've been trying to work "sham pain" into a parody. Great title, too. 5s

Witty title and parody. Fun to sing along to the OS! 555

Orderlies look like Bert and Ernie...favorite line..ha ha..This is quite a hilarious nightmare scenario...

I've had to wait 6 hrs before to even get my temperature taken in the waiting room. When the nurse's meter read over 104F, I was promptly rushed in the ER, where they gave me........Tylenol ( like I hadn't thought of taking that! ). 5s.

Red - I took my late brother to ER once (Kaiser, WLA) for severe back spasms...yeah, it was like the situation in Kristor's piece...wee morning hours...he couldn't sit comfortably at all...so while waiting they gave him a wheelchair...WITHOUT foot rests...so his feet dangled...and caused more pressure on his back and spine...he was in agony and finally just collapsed out of it down to the floor...and of course was immediately surrounded by the concerned and caring staff there...NOT...I had to go tell the admitting nurse and point at him...after a couple minutes of my insistant loudness and pointing they FINALLY sent some orderlies to pick him up and then took him in the back...for some much-overdue and needed examination and treatment, right? NO...they placed him on a table and left him there a few more hours...silly, no...STUPID me...I thought he was being taken care of...yeah...Medical 'Care'...hah...So you had 104F...that's high...you shoulda sold at that price...you woulda made a killing...

My situation was quite trivial to that of your brother's. That is piss poor "care" that he received that night. I did not mean to sound trivial with my ER story but before leaving my house at 10pm at was closer to 106 (even after several doses of Tylenol) and when my mother admitted me she told the receptionist it was close to 106. While even 106 isn't life-threatening it is extremely disturbing as it causes hallucinations and generally is indicative of an infection that requires more than OTC meds to fix.

I thought 106F was pretty close to "organ shut-down" time...but I only play a Doctor in parodies sometimes...not for real...or even on Television...

I'm glad J.A.B pointed out the sham pain gag or I would've missed it! - my wife was on one of these excremental gurneys in a Russian hospital once 20 years ago - not even any heating - still makes for a great story though - 555

Reminiscent of Malcolm Higgins' "The Rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald"... but, in its own way, dirtier. I'd like a "conservative" to read this and still say we have the best health care system in the world.

(ABC03) I know the song only from Esqivel's version, but it fit perfectly. Funny stuff.

(ABC E) Comparing stories, are we? Mine was so bad that I walked out, sick and all, on the so-called doctor...hobbled out, I should say. You tell it like it is. 5's

(ABC3-E) Wonderfully wacky, Kristof.

Doctor Robertson to the Operation Room for the Fives transplant

(ABC) Double Yikes! ;-)

(ABC3E) See above

Lemme guess, a hospital when you don't have insurance.... No s---! (pun intended). Good satire, KR. -- MM

(ABC3E) d'oh, like one of those rats in a maze who never learns, I thought hmm, what's with the "real pain" gag? then I read JAB's comment and I got it, and then I read my comment above and see that I'd done the whole complete same walk last time - great ending too Kristof

ooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk 5s

Nice of you to mention me in the song! (Drunks!) Nice job.

Thanks to everyone who voted and commented...I'm off to have some plastic surgery now, although ya can't improve on perfection... :-)

F'in brilliant. I too, got sham pain only due to the comments.