(In Denmark, when they're filming)
(When boy meets girl)
(Here's what they say)

When the dialogue's poor
Well, we all know the score:
That's bad porno
When the girl is a good 'un
But the acting is wooden
That's bad porno

Then she'll go
Uh-uh-uh-uh-oh
Uh-uh-uh-uh-oh
It's like ventriloquism
As she'll blow
Fellow-ay-shee-yo
Fellow-ay-shee-yo
Till he loses his.. temper

When she's down on her knees
Taking on guys in threes
That's bad porno
When the words are all mang-
led, the bangs are all gang... that's hard core
On the soundtrack she's screamin'
But her mouth's full of.. somethin'
When you see such cheesy
Clichéd por-nography, that's bad porno

(When something hits her face)
(And all over the place, that's bad porno)

That's bad porno

(When what's between her thighs)
(Is humungous in size, that's bad porno)

That's bad porno

(See that thing)
(Swing-a-ling-a-ling)
(Ding-a-ling-a-ling)
(Like a ship's screw propellor)
(Screw propellor)
(Girls will play)
(Tippi-tippi-tay, tippi-tippi-tay)
(Like a gay tarantella)

Lucky fella

When she looks like a man
And talks like Jackie Chan
That's bad porno (that's bad porno)
When the men with those chicks
Have their brains in their... feet
It's bad porn
Though she may be Itai
But she don't even sai "Buon giorno"
If it's me that you see
You know it's got to be that bad porno