You come at me with that blunt thing
First I observe, but now I say

When you lunge at my eye and your left foot just slides
That's not swordpla-ay
When you brandish a knife when my blade's four-foot-five
That's not swordpla-ay
You may swing like a loony, swing like a twitchy thing
But you won't touch me, fella
Cause your blade is a teeny blade, innuendo's made
Won't solve any dile-emma

Bring that thing to a duel just like this, you're a fool
That's not swordpla-ay
Kinda ha-ard to believe you'll make a mark on me
What a dunce
No-one I know would scream if you ran at them screamin'
With tha-at blade
Trust in me, I can see you've no fencin' degree
That's not swo-ordplay

When you go for a slice and you miss ev'ry time
That's not swo-ordplay (that's not swo-ordplay)
When you try to swing wide and your grip insta-slides
That's not swordplay (that's not swo-ordplay)
Amusing ev'ry time you swing with that small bee sting
Like you've got a chance, fella (you'll be felled, you dumb fella)
It's not brave to fight when you're way out of your league, mate
It's insane, you might sever off your nethers

Your sword's not just a tool, an extension of you
That part's swordpla-ay (that's part's swo-ordplay)
You think you'll get lucky and fling your sword at me
Don't be dumb
You got clocked by a beam, cut its ropes, so I'm beamin'
Where's you-our blade (ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)?
Oh dear me, do I see it stickin' out of me?
Still not swo-ordplay (not swo-ordplay)
That's not swordplay