Thou shalt not choke on Neurofen
Thou shalt not choke on Pepsi Max or other Canadian accents
Thou shalt not walk on their dress saying
'Do I look a right tit' or any type of nonsense
Thou shalt not type silly comments on Facebook
About how Elvis died in the toilet or what

Lovely, jubbly

Thou shalt look pretty on the dancefloor
Thou shalt shake their ass to 'Everlong'
Thou shalt sing 'Semi Charmed Life' to Chris Moyles
Thou shalt give him the finger
Thou shalt say he should put on a runaway train
With Soul Asylum and a Chinese burn

Chinese, what a voice
Cockney, what a voice
Japanese, what a voice
Russian, what a voice
Irish, what a voice
Texan, what a voice
Ohioan, what a voice
English, what a voice
The next bloody thing, what a voice

Thou shalt walk on a girl's pants
Thou shalt ask her what hair colour she is
Or where she's from
Thou shalt ask her where Whittington Road is
Thou shalt ask her who Sean Hughes is
Thou shalt ask Amy Childs who Bono is
Thou shalt lose their religion to 'Frankenstein'
Thou shalt smell sex and candy here
Thou shalt smell like teen spirit to 'The Spirit Of Radio'
And finally
Thou shalt ask her where she was when Cobain shat himself

Oh, hold on, forgot me lyrics
I didn't type them via my arse

Thou shalt talk bollocks to a brunetted girlfriend
Thou shalt quote Father Ted when shagging her in bed
Thou shalt take her for Nandos
Not like some Gary Glitter tribute act
Who's typed the name of their 89889885th album
Something like fucking quadrophenia

Thou shalt always
Thou shalt always pill