We're off on the road to Chicago
The White Sox are tough on the spine (Hit me with a baseball bat)
Where they're goin', Why we're goin', how can we get there?
I'll lay you 9 to 5 that we'll meet Dusty Baker (yeah, get in line)

Off on the road to Chicago
Hockey's just the end of the line (I like the Blackhawks. [shut up!])
I hear this city where they do the Cubs' 7th inning stretch
We'll tell you more (uh-ah) but we would have the curse on our tails (good boy)

We certainly are playoff bound
Like Webster's Dictionary, we're Chicago bound

We're off on the road to Chicago
well, look out, clear the way, 'cause here we come
Stand by for a concussion (ow!)
The men eat pizza, watch the Cubs and the Bulls back-to-back
It seems to me there should be easier ways to get a laugh
(bozo: shall I slip on my big shoes?)

Off on the road to Chicago
Hooray! Well blow a horn, everybody duck! (sfx: plane flies through car)
Yeah, it's a green light, (sfx: ding!) come on boys

We may run into Wrigley, but we're not afraid to roam
Because we catch foul balls in our old Chi-town home (yeah)
Certainly do get around
Like the Chicago Tribune, we're Chicago bound

We certainly do get around
Like the Chicago Sun-Times paper that you get
in the corner drugstore for just 50 cents
We're Chicago bound

Or, like a jersey of Michael Jordan that you can buy
in the department store at Christmas time for your cousin Juila
We're Chicago bound
(we could be arrested) (sfx: police car siren)