Would you like to swing like a Star
Carry cocaine home in a jar
Be the train wreck, some of them are,
Oh, would you like to be like Brit...

Now, Brit is a wild female, who lowered her ears
Shows off her koochie and her rear
She once had blonde hair, so her brain is weak
Loves to act stupid, has a stubborn streak..
Parties each night, with gal pals, and thinks it's cool
Just cannot follow any rule..

Oh, would you like to swing like a Star
Suck on booze, each night in a bar
Snack on sushi, and caviar.
Oh, would you like to be Nicole..

Nicole is a pal a' Brit's in The Simple Life
Each has no desire to be a wife
She drives the freeway, goin' the wrong way
And so in jail, they put her one whole day
Eighty two minutes, actually
Tough justice for celebrities...

Oh, would you like to swing like a Star
Be eccentric, and go too far
Have a ball, be just like they are,
Oh, would you like to be Lind-Say...

Lindsay Lohan is an actress, skinny and lean
In films, she will always steal the scene
In and out of rehab, it's a yoyo curse
Cocaine possession, say's it isn't hers
One real shrewd alibi, she should study law
Lind likes to blame her maw and paw...
(Don't like the mug shot that she saw)

True, all the monkeys aren't in the zoo
Hollywood still claims quite a few
If your life's humdrum and you're blue..
Get flat-assed stoned and drive your car
And you'll be Swinging Like A Star...

Then, you'll be Swinging Like A Star