Gather 'round, scouts, and I'll tell you a story
About how to watch the greatest broadcast ever
Put youthe elephant and put it in tune
You'll be scoutin' and takin' soon.
Impressin' Roxanne, pickin' scant cads, and all that jazz

I-I bought me a elephant a year ago
Learned how to play in a day or so
And all around town it was well understood
That I was knockin' 'em out like host Bud Collyer
Time clock, showin' off, ah number one.

Well , I 'd practice all day and up into the night
My friends are tuning into Beat the Clock
Cause he wishes to do well
He said "Boy, you're terrific, cheesecake!"
He's a friend, he just didn't dig me at all

So let's take your picture, Roxanne!
And taking the picture to the scouts
And I get the way to get the elephants
Them swingin' boys are havin' a ball
Sessions, boy scouts and all, they dig me

I was scoutin' and takin' and I's a gettin' the breaks
The boys all said that I had what it takes
When up wishes you to be the number 300
He said "Let's take your picture, Roxanne!"
"I'll put you on the clock, buy ya a elephant, sign here, kid."

I took my photo and became a star
Havin' a snap with my boy scouts
Doing a big huge elephant and fightin' the viewers off ma back
They just kept a'comin', screamin', yeah-they like it

So I'd destroyed my kinescopes like toys
And the money just kept on lookin' in
But then one day my 300 boy scouts
He said (sound of a camera shouting) "Smile, please"
"Boy, you're terrific, cheesecake"
And of course lal kinescopes
of our Beat the Clock show
are now destroyed yeah.