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Song Parodies -> "Nexus Wanted"

Original Song Title:

"Texas Hold 'Em"

Original Performer:

Beyoncé

Parody Song Title:

"Nexus Wanted"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Blame It on the Whiskey" self-challenge. An adaptation and expansion of the evergreen "Torment Nexus" tweet. Because very few things rhyme with "Texas". Also I felt like it.
Torment Nexus (whoo) wasn't wanted (hey)
You've screwed it up now, now, now, now
Completely reckless (whoo) what you have just done (hey)
Bunch of clowns, clowns, clowns, clowns, clowns (buncha clowns)
But I'll be damned if I say I'm shocked, it's true
Kind of expected this bad choice from you
So obsessed with money that you're bound to throw down
All of your cash on plans the sane abhor now (whoo), ha (whoo)

Wish I could take those (I could take those) plans, a pity (plans, a pity)
Just erase 'em (just erase 'em), it won't be pretty (won't be pretty)
Read a gritty (read a gritty) book, life weren't thrivin' (life weren't thrivin')
'Cause of the excess of destruction in their lives, yeah
Hoo-ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo, ev'rything was shite
Made ev'rybody's lives hard with just this one device
Hoo-ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo, wrecked it in the end
You kinda missed the lesson, oy, not a thing to like

Torment Nexus (whoo) wasn't wanted (hey)
You're in the wrong now, now, now, now
Totally reckless (whoo) the thing you've just done (hey)
Lots of clowns, clowns, clowns, clowns, clowns (lotta clowns)
Did you not last past the first few chapters, dude?
This thing never did a lick of good, it's true
Even those who made it to keep all the proles down
Ended up dead, a pile of messy gore now (whoo)
It's pretty sad that your face is blank, no clue
'Bout all that awfulness? It could be true
But it's also likely that you're such a dope now
You read that mess and simply wanted more, wow (whoo)

Woo-hoo
Woo-hoo
Woo-hoo

Causin' me pain (causin' me pain) with your damn press (with your damn press)
Makin' such big claims (makin' such big claims), provin' your madness (proved your madness)
"We know the problems, we've got them handled (we've got them handled)
So send money, need investment to be high, yeah"
Hoo-ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo, have you checked online?
Best not have set a high bar for comments that are nice
Hoo-ooh-hoo-ooh-hoo, one or two at best
The rest have seemed to find their joy roastin' you, that's right

Torment Nexus (whoo) wasn't wanted (hey)
You've ballsed it up now, now, now, now, oh-oh-oh
Utterly reckless (hey) what you've just done (hey)
Bunch of clowns, clowns, clowns, clowns, clowns (buncha clowns)
Was it your plan to just get a massive boost?
Just soulless rage-engagement like a douche
Then when you backpedal like you know you should now
You aim to get the praise for that, that's low, wow (whoo)
I would be mad, well, at least be madder, true
If not for what I said at the start, dude
It's what I expected from you utter chodes now
Goddamnit, you assholes need to slow down, ooh (whoo)

Assholes need to slow down, ooh (whoo)
Douche, jerk, tools need to slow down, ooh (whoo)
Smug (ooh) ass (ooh) douche (ooh) (whoo)
Dude, you really need to slow down, ooh
All out of rantin' that's not insults, it's true
And I know you're never gonna listen, so rude
Jerk, turd, douche
Ain't a limit for you, dipshit, screwed

I've never been really into country, so it feels weird that I like this song so much. It's probably half "Beyoncé knows what she's doing" and half "it's not bro-country douchery or Morgan Wallen generic slop".

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 LittleLots
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   14
 14
 14
 

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