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Song Parodies -> "Trusty Mauser"

Original Song Title:

"Alka-Seltzer"

Original Performer:

Alka-Seltzer Commercial

Parody Song Title:

"Trusty Mauser"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Before the AK-47, the Mauser K98 and K98k were the most produced rifles in history with combined 20 million. If you add the Mauser action of bolt-action rifles adopted world over that almost doubles. A fine weapon still found in the ME, Africa, and some parts of Asia. The Mujas used them against the Soviets in Afghanistan to good effect.
[Spoken]
You marched too hard
Got stuck in mud
The Fuhrer is too greedy
Lift your rifle up and rely upon
A bolt-action that is speedy!

Trusty Mauser
Pop! Pop!
Hits! Hits!
Ja, used to kill many Reds!

Pop! Pop!
Hits! Hits!
Ja, used to kill many Reds!

[Spoken]
K98 is far from Great War relic
and is meant to last!
Karbine, Ja, still hits home,
7.92 (mm) gold

Oh, what a Geeeee-wehr it is!
West or East...
Note: Used Reds as targets as using Brits or Yanks might upset someone here!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 4   0
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jonathan - August 28, 2014 - Report this comment
why would yanks upset someone? is it 'cause it sounds dirty? 5's
Patrick - August 29, 2014 - Report this comment
I've handled a lot of Mausers. They certainly are solid. If had the choice, and the funds, I would pick the Lee Enfield. 10 round magazine, much smoother action. I still regret not buying that 1871 Mauser I was once offered at a show for only $175. Back then I actually had the money. The 1871 was a principal weapon in the 1916 Easter Rising, which gives it a certain "ethnic" appeal. I'll never see another at that price. Even the 1871/84 is now prohibitive.
Rob Arndt - August 30, 2014 - Report this comment
Patrick, I was a bit baffled on the other parody when you talked about the Lee-Enfield as your best choice for bolt-action rifle. I've owned and/or handled many Springfields, Enfields, Nagants, and Mausers as the "old" bolt-actions and German bias aside, actually love the Mauser K98k (I had a refurbised one though). Historically the entire 98 line came off the Commission Rifle M1888 or G88 which led to the G98, K98, and K98k. Historically, I have never read about any complaints from the actual Boer and German Infantry users who put them to good use. In technical reviews there is some concern about the locking mechanisms or bolts, but nothing shows up in combat records AFAIK of any serious nature except that the latter war K98ks of WW2 were made of inferior woods due to lack of strategic materials. Even so, there was a Volkssturm version too. I never had a Commision Rifle or the G71. Wasn't the latter in 11mm? Btw, did you know that for the G98 Mauser worked out the locking system on the 9.5mm M1875 or G75 sent to Turkey? Other odd Mausers were the Zig-Zag revolver, Aerial M1915 FSK rifle, M1908 rifle, and automatic M1908 pistol. The C96 pistol (technically M1895 or Mauser Military Pistol/MMP) was actually NOT designed by Mauser but the Superintendent of his factory, Herr Federle!!!
Patrick - September 03, 2014 - Report this comment
I once owned a Gew.98 that had been sporterized. Gave it to my brother. He still has it. Owned a couple of Gew 88 Commission Rifles. The 11mm is a bit of challenge as to acquiring ammo, but in today's market I bet I could find at least a box of 20 just as fast, if not faster than a box of 22 LR. Had a Chinese import C96, but it was too worn to function reliably. A friend converted one to fire with 9mm Parabellum blanks.
Rob Arndt - September 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Thanks Patrick for commenting. FWIW, I think the Enfield is a caple rifle, but you know the changes with all the Mks + Nos 4 &5. I feel more comfortable with a K98k or Nagant. And apart from my fave AK/MAK-90, my western FAL and M14 gave me a lot of joy. The world is so filled with 5.56 and 7.62mm that all the old hype about new caliber ammo has faded. US using FN SCARs and new Springfield Armory updated M1s and M14s with railings, bipods, new scopes, illumination units, dazzlers, and laser designators. I am still baffled that Colt has yet to design something new away from the old AR15/M16 rifle architecture. The competitor designs from Germany (HK) and the US (Bushmaster, Robinson, AAI) all show progress. I favored the AAI flechette ACR, but it was flawed with over-complicated gas system, could not use other standard US mags, nor bulleted rounds. The caseless G-11 US version was in 4.92x34mm and held 1x 50 rd mag up top while the German version was in caseless 4.77x34mm and held 3x 50 rd mags, the LMG version with a 300 rd box in the butt!!! Later, Congress rescued Colt from the HK/US XM-8 (basically a G-36 for the US, to their standard). The last rival was the HK 416 and 417. I don't know when the US Army will have another ACR competition as funds are lacking. the Kriss Vector .45 SMG and AA-12 tac shotgun have already been ignored...
Fed Up - September 04, 2014 - Report this comment
Hey, Patrick and Robert, please take your dialogue about your hobby somewhere else. This is a parody site, not a chat room about a specialty. Judging by the low number of hits for this parody and the lack of participation by the commentariat, there is little or no interest in reading your level of detail. You are using this site selfishly. Behavior like this is surely one reason for its decline.
Rob Arndt - September 04, 2014 - Report this comment
@FU (how appropriate), I'm so sorry that you cannot contribute to this conversation, but I never asked you here. YOU chose to come into this thread and YOU can leave at any time!!! No one is forcing you to comment on the parody's content nor any hobby that Patrick and I might share. There are others here that share their hobbies. More power to them. Sometimes it even includes self-praise over their parody policing which is annoying. Behavior like that is surely one reason for site decline :)~
Fed Up - September 04, 2014 - Report this comment
I gave up clicking on your parodies a long time ago, but now I have to do so to remind you that your private conversations appear on the "Latest Comments" page. You may consider your thread is to do with as you please, but the "Latest Comments" page is shared space, and you're hogging it.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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