I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
With a leafy sea dragon in my underwear
When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
Popped right up and put his hands atop my head

I guessed, "Is it Vanna White or Alex Trebek?"
"Is it Pat or Bob or Louie?"
"Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Richard or Steve?"
I probably would have kept on guessing
But about that time I found our exit now

And as I'm laying looking there out the window
Finally I recognize the face of my big game show dealer
Who takes off his prosthetic nails and tells me

Everything you know is right
Wheel is fun, HQ's hard, and Vanna's light
And everything you thought was just so
Important really matters

Everything you know is right
Just forget the words and see the light
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is right

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Apple Jacks
When I accidentally stepped into a game-show based dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
Who kinda looked like Ed McMahon

They powered my internal organs
And they took some digi-pics
And said I was extremely fun
And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to
Any point in history that I would care to go

And so I had them send me back to before we met
So I would not have to live more time
Just then the floating disembodied head of
Johnny Carson started yelling

Everything you know is right
Wheel is fun, HQ's hard, and Vanna's light
And everything you thought was just so
Important really matters

Everything you know is right
Just forget the words and see the light
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is right

I was just about to mail a letter to my silly twin
When I got a nasty papercut
And, well, to make a long story short
It got infected, but I lived

So now I'm at Wheel of Fortune with Pat Sajak
By the puzzleboard
And it's obvious he really likes
The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that I'm on the show now

Well, he leads me right up to my podium
And I am standing next to the noisy ice machine
For the show's duration
And every day Pat runs by screaming

Everything you know is right
Wheel is fun, HQ's hard, and Vanna's light
And everything you thought was just so
Important really matters anymore because the simple fact remains that

Everything you know is right
Just forget the words and see the light
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is right
Everything you know is right