I was riding down the freeway with Mel Gibson
Who was blowing .42 on his breath test
When suddenly a cop behind us in the right lane
Pulled us over and said to walk the narrow line

Mel said, "Are you Uncle Chaim or Cousin Bernie?
Is your name Leibowitz or Weinstein?
Could you be Weiner, Cohen, Strauss, or Nachman or Berg?
I know you Jews are up to something
And I know you are the cause of every war

And then he turned to the lady cop beside him
He stared, and called her sugar-t*ts and tried to feel her
I tried to change the subject; I said

Lady Gaga has a dong
Michael's white, Paul is dead I know he's gone
And all the backward messages in Beatles songs, they let me know that

Lady Gaga has a dong
You can see its outline through her thong
All you need to understand is
Lady Gaga has a dong

I was gonna go on Oprah with Tom Cruise
When he "accidentally" got upset while sitting on her couch
And soon I saw he was a-claimin' that psychiatrists have horns and evil grins

"They'll suck out your internal organs
Because they're Nazis, and
I know 'cause L. Ron told me so
So you should try some Dianetics
It can help bring out the engrams
And help you try and find your way to clear"

And so I asked him for more info on Xenu
But he said our bodies are just meat
Just then, the floating disembodied thetan
Of old L. Ron said that

Lady Gaga has a dong
Michael's white, Elvis lives, he isn't gone
And all the backward messages in Zeppelin songs, they let me know that

Lady Gaga has a dong
You can see its outline through her thong
All you need to understand is
Lady Gaga has a dong

Did you know Victoria Jackson; she's from SNL
But she's now a right-wing crazy nut
And to make a long story short
She says Obama's just like Hitler

So I asked her what she meant and she said
That their mothers both were white
And I said, "You'll have to do better than that"
She said "They also both hate Jews"

That's when I shook my head in much bewilderment
It's like she lives in another world
Is she an alien?
I ask her if she is; she tells me

Lady Gaga has a dong
And I know Hillary loves Mao Zedong
And all the backward messages in Britney's songs, they let me know that

Lady Gaga has a dong
You can see its outline through her thong
All you need to understand is
Lady Gaga has a dong