Song Parodies -> "Ain't Worth Dissin'"

Original Song Title:

"Ain't Worth Missing"

Original Performer:

"Ain't Worth Dissin'"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

The Dan Brown Crap (which is so disrespectful to all intelligence that it shouldn't even be associated with Da Vinci, let alone with Christ, the Roman Catholic Church, or any self-respecting protestant church for that matter) has now been made into a dull, plodding movie. To the theologians busy denouncing it for the blasphemous content, though, I would like to take this opportunity to say: while Dan Brown certainly does deserve a good roasting for disingenuously pushing his fiction as "truth" while pretending he only ever meant it to be taken as fiction, anyone who takes his paranoid conspiracy theories and feminized Gnostic twaddle to be a plausible account of anything at all must already have been severely retarded theologically. I'd wager that most of these morons are the same mental midgets who used to attend those imbecilic Robert Funk seminars. In short, why bother lashing this same equine skeleton again? Why not join with the critics in jeering its idiocy instead?

The rating's low tonight
As Hollywood gets dumber;
Pity the critics at Cannes:
Watching the Code's a bummer.
Dan Brown's a dunce at hist'ry
His book is garbage too,
This movie just sucks;
Who says that our attention's due?

Oh, it ain't worth dissin'.
Why bother with this'un?
Stop all this moanin' pissin'!
It ain't worth dissin'.
The plot is so retarded;
What is that smell? Who farted?
Hurling crap at this'un's
Redundant; it ain't worth dissin'.

Don't toss your money; save it.
'Cause the good films aren't out yet.
This Brown turd is a waste
Of time that you'd regret.
Think I'll go see a sequel;
Maybe X-men 3.
Hedge by Dreamworks might be better
Than Brown's gay fantasy.*

No, it ain't worth dissin',
Or price of admission;
Won't bother seeing this'un.
It ain't worth dissin'
Gnostic fiction's retarded;
I think Tom Hanks just farted.
Why get your shorts twistin'?
Don't you know? It ain't worth dissin'.

If you need films that won't bore you,
Stories that entertain,
Then rent some Dirty Harry,
Or raid your library;
B-flicks will show you
Dumb can be funny!

Yeah, and for less money...

Oh, it ain't worth dissin'
Try Shawshank Redemption
Watch Hanks get raped in prison;
That's worth the admission.
The Code's not worth a ticket;
Tell Hanks where he can stick it.
I'm not gonna miss it;
No, I won't miss this film one bit!

Oh, it ain't worth dissin'...
[Etc.]

*Admit it: naming a character "Teabing" (of all things) practically invites cruel off-color humor.

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Red Ant - May 21, 2006 - Report this comment

I see you are back in fine form, Offender. I haven't seen the movie, and won't, at least while it is in theatres. I suppose in 6 months or so, when it is no longer on new-release DVD, and on a rainy Tuesday night, I'll plop down 99 cents and spend the better part of 3 hours to watch it. Of course, I said the same thing about Titanic years ago, and still haven't watched that.

As for your bottom comment, I don't get it, unless that name got twisted into "Teabag".

"paranoid conspiracy theories..."; I see we were somewhat on the same track today.

John Jenkins - May 21, 2006 - Report this comment

Although you are correct in stating that "Dan Brown's a dunce at hist'ry" and his writing style could use some improvement, I don't agree that "the plot is so retarded." I know many Christians who reject his "facts," but still find the book to be a page-turner.

Royce Miller - May 22, 2006 - Report this comment

Well said, Offender.

Rellim Ecyor - May 22, 2006 - Report this comment

Not well said, Offender. Like the greatest story ever sold, Dan Brown's book was a novel - get over it. I've always thought that the bible should contain a disclaimer labeling it as fiction. Perhaps you and others should be more concerned with some real problems going on in the world.

Offender - June 04, 2006 - Report this comment

Red Ant: yes, you got my bottom comment absolutely right. If you look up "Teabing" name along with "Teabag" or "Teabagging" on a search engine, you'll see plenty of half-witted comedy about that.

John Jenkins: yes, I've heard from some of those people too. I've also heard from atheists who think the plot is pretty retarded. I suppose whether the novel is a "page-turner" or not depends on what you get out of it. I think some of the best entertainment I ever got out of low-grade stuff like that was from Charles Band's film Crash and Burn. (It's kind of like a story about the Terminator's idiot cousin, with the plot written by Al Gore and the screenplay done by Ed Wood.)

Royce Miller: why, thank you.

Rellim Ecyor: funny, I don't see any parodies on here written by you. Perhaps you and those live squirrels pattering around in your skull ought to quit worrying about those "real" problems going on in the world and spend more time indulging in cheap frivolity and making fun of Dan Brown and rioting Muslims who want to cut your head off. (I mean, what have you got to lose?)

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