I need food, this just won't do
I need food, this just won't do
I need food, this just won't do
This won't do

I'm so sick of eatin'
This greasy old chicken
It's smelly and kinda green
Doesn't work for me
Damn Nathan, lacks the motivation
To get up and get some grub for me
And I know the next question from you, dude
Is "bloody get it yourself, dude" got a point, that's true
But that's kinda what I can't do
Got no driver's licence and no legs, too
So it's time for food, I'm so hungry that it hurts
Got a feeling like it's only gonna get worse
And there is nothing new in the fridge
So I throw a plate at Nathan's head

I want something else
To eat than all these
Semi-warmed leftovers, buddy, buddy
I need something else
You're not listening, are you Nath?
Want fries!

I need food, this just won't do
I need food, this just won't do
I need food, this just won't do
This won't do

This stuff is old, hurts my nose
The fridge won't keep it smellin' like a rose
And what is that green shit back there?
It smells back there
Throw this mash at something it'll break
And this turkey's so slimy I forget that it's fake
Though that's not all that is wrong with our stock
I am getting so sick of all this spag bog
I'm getting so bored, you get the hint now, do you Nathan?
Are you listening? I'm getting mad again
I said

What's that green shit back there?
In the fridge, you do know what that is, don't you?
How can you stand this mess? Turn off that game, cause I said

I want something else
To eat than all these
Semi-warmed leftovers, buddy, buddy
I need something else
You're not listening, are you Nath?
Want pies!

I've run out of tissues to block my nose
The smell is so damn thick, can almost see it
Looks like the scum between my toes
Used to have all sorts of food, but time
And your laziness made them all blend, right
Into one kind of shite, what shite

The last time a guy came who said he'd do cleaning
He pelted, for him I feel pity
And you barely moved, you still alive?
Now I'm struggling to survive
No good food to eat and our flat's a mess
You're of no help, I must confess
You stare at the TV, haven't moved yet
It won't be long before I just slip into madness
Why, won't you help me?
I guess we're screwed then
Loafing's all that you tend to do
Did you fart just now?

Fridge is cemented to the ground
Because that off stuff leaked out, oh no
And I'm afraid for my life
This morn' you said you'd do it in a while
But you haven't moved, right, dumb shite

Cause I want something else
To eat than all this shite, buddy
I need something else
It's talking to me, Nath
"Oh, hai"
"Oh, hai"
"Oh, hai"
"Oh, HAI"

What the hell, is going on?
What the hell, is going on?
What the hell, is going on?
What the hell?

"What love is soft, like a rose"
That thing's reading poetry, real bad prose
What new life have we spawned there
Greasy, black hair
This is tearing me apart

"Don't touch me, mudderfucker"
"Don't touch me, mudderfucker"
"Don't touch me, mudderfucker"
"Don't touch me"

It's Tommy Wiseau